IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In many countries, there is shortage of housing due to growing population. Some people argue that new towns should be built in the country side, others argue for the regeneration of cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of building new towns in the country?

#countries #shortage #population #people #towns #country #side #regeneration #cities
Building new dwellings is growing
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays because the world's population will experience
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
soaring
Replace the word
soar
show examples
within the next decades.
However
, the building must be in the countryside and
this
 essay is going to examine
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages. Many argue that nowadays several cities struggle with urban scrawl. All around the world people are making complaints about urbanisation but it is not enough
for solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
.
Besides
 the main reason for the shortage of housing is
dense
Correct article usage
the dense
show examples
 population . Because of
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we do not have
sufficiently
Change the word
sufficient
show examples
 realms for building. İn addition, If we continue force to
building in
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
inland
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we could destroy natural habits. It seems to me that the governments should make new legislation about rapid urbanization .
For example
, we can use rural areas and
then
 the people can live without feeling suffocating.
Besides
According to
 many kinds of research; up to now our planet has experienced a lack of natural resources because people have continued to build with a growing population. Built inland leads to enormous damage to the environment. Not only causes damage but
also
 contributes to contamination and air pollution.
To conclude
 , In my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 ıf we want to leave preserved nature to posterity , we should forgive the usage of inland .
Submitted by kickbox191 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all main points are well-supported with clear and specific examples to enhance clarity and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by clearly separating ideas into distinct paragraphs and ensuring smooth transitions between them.
task achievement
The essay tackles both the advantages and disadvantages of building new towns in the countryside, covering different aspects of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: