IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
The line chart shows information about the
percentage
 of the population in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand and
Indonesia
 living in cities between 1970 and 2020, with projected for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, all 4 figures will increase.
Most
Correct article usage
The most
show examples
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 index here is
Indonesia
 which rose dramatically and will grow until 2040.
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 and Thailand fluctuated from 1990 to 2020 and from 1990 to 2010 with the
percentage
 above 50 and 30 respectively.
While
 Malaysia and
Indonesia
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 only
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 and
predicted
Add a missing verb
are predicted
show examples
 to grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
until the end.
Indonesia
 started with the lowest
percentage
 with approximately 14.
However
, in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 he will be the second figure with under 60
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 which will be the index which has more
percentage
 than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two. At the beginning Malaysia had clearly 30
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 and will increase consistently just above 90, which will give
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 figure leader in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 4 figures. Philippines was the leader in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1970,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
this
 index
started
Add the particle
started to
show examples
 fluctuate and will be in the third position with the 50
percentage
 in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2040.
Finally
, Thailand
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the same
percentage
 as
Indonesia
 in the
1970
Correct your spelling
1970s
. But
this
 figure will jump until above 40 and will be the looser in the end.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, indonesia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: