In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation? A
In some places , it is important
have
a private home rather than renting it. Human wants financial stability in their Add the particle
to have
lifes
, so they think if you have your own property, everything will be all right.Correct your spelling
lives
People
who are trying to have their own property,
might have lots of Remove the comma
apply
problem
with Fix the agreement mistake
problems
health
on the way of
achieving it. I believe it is Change preposition
to
negative
situation because our Correct article usage
a negative
health
is at first.
It might be case
for financial stability. It means that Add an article
the case
people
can earn more money
for another entertainments
in life. Fix the agreement mistake
other entertainment
Therefore
they might afford for themselves variety
of travelling and spend much time together,and it will be for one problem less. Add an article
a variety
As
example Change preposition
For
lets
take one family, which has Correct your spelling
let's
own
apartment and another without it. So first can save Correct pronoun usage
its own
money
for their future trips on holiday, second can not afford it because of lack of money
,they should pay the rent
On the other hand
, this
case can affects
Wrong verb form
affect
for
Change preposition
apply
people
badly. People
start to have debts for
Change preposition
to
bank
. Because they take Fix the agreement mistake
banks
propertuy
for Correct your spelling
property
mortgage
. It might cause lots of problems with Add an article
a mortgage
the mortgage
health
.They became nervous, this
Correct word choice
and this
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
on
their Change preposition
apply
health
. For
example
young Add a comma
example,
people
, who is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
get
married, try to find their own place to live. Change the form of the verb
getting
To buy
Change the verb form
Buying
home
is expensive, so they go to the bank and take a loan. In the future it will influence Add an article
a home
for
their budget,Change preposition
apply
vast
of the income Correct article usage
a vast
money
goes for overlapping athe
mortgage. They start harassing themselves Correct your spelling
the
in
Change preposition
with
money
. So this
case provide
for arguments. Arguments affect Change the verb form
provides
for
their Change preposition
apply
nervous
. In the end for their Replace the word
nervousness
health
In conclusion
owning a property is good if you have Add a comma
conclusion,
money
, and can afford
buy it for cash. Add the particle
afford to
However
if Add a comma
However,
people
do not have money
. They should not take a mortgage and have a lot of loans and debts, which take Correct your spelling
majority
Correct article usage
the majotity
majotity
of your incomesCorrect your spelling
majority
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear viewpoint. However, you can improve by elaborating more on the reasons why owning a home is important beyond financial stability and health impacts.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next and that each main point is clearly presented and supported. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
general
The language and grammar need to be improved for better clarity. For example, phrases like "to have private home" should be "to have a private home." Watch out for punctuation and basic grammatical errors. Consider practicing complex sentence structures to enhance readability.
task achievement
The introduction identifies the task and presents your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a conclusion that sums up your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as comparing families with and without property.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.