Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is irrefutable,
these
days people have plenty of medical Correct word choice
that these
issues
because of inactive lifestyles; I agree this
statement sedentary lifestyles Change preposition
with this
leads
to health Change the verb form
lead
problems
, even though there are other reasons also
considered to be bring
health Verb problem
apply
issues
. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To commence with, sedentary
lifestyle stimulates Correct article usage
a sedentary
to makes
more health Verb problem
apply
issues
because these days people mostly rely on technological machines coupled with
devices to do work, thus
, it leads
to laziness to mankindWrong verb form
leading
,
and Remove the comma
apply
diseases
. That is
, Physical activity has been reducing
humankind Wrong verb form
reduced
tries
to travel by Correct subject-verb agreement
try
modem
vehicles, so they neither have Correct your spelling
modern
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
to do
physical activities nor Change preposition
in doing
more
spare time. Add a missing verb
have more
For example
, according to
the satistics
, youngsters are mostly affected Correct your spelling
statistics
obesity
, Change preposition
by obesity
cardivascular
, heart stroke, and cancer illnesses because of Correct your spelling
cardiovascular
sedentary
lifestyle. Add an article
a sedentary
Hence
, these deadly diseases
are brought by inactive
lifestyle that people have it. Add an article
an inactive
the inactive
However
, there are other aspects to be considered that brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
diseases
to the population, This
is, pollution
makes numerous deadly diseases
to
Change preposition
apply
them
; they can Correct pronoun usage
apply
affect
respiratory Verb problem
cause
problems
, cancer and heart stroke because of inhaling the polluted air. Additionally
, due to
hormone
disorders
many undergo weight gain Add a comma
disorders,
issue
. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
For instance
, take India, the richest man of
India, Mr Ambani's son has been suffering Change preposition
in
Change preposition
from harmone
harmone
Correct your spelling
hormone
disorder
issues
, and as a result
, he is being
overweight but he is a more active person, Unnecessary verb
apply
although
he suffers, so sedentary
lifestyles are not only the main reasons for getting illnesses. Needless to say, there Correct article usage
a sedentary
are
Change the verb form
is
pollution
and hormone
disorder
that leads to medical problems
.
In conclusion, sedentary
way of life brings many medical Correct article usage
a sedentary
problems
because humans rely on technology, and they are being
laziness, but there are other factors Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as pollution
, and hormone
disorder
that can create many medical Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
problems
. Therefore
, I strongly agree that inactive
way of life Correct article usage
an inactive
makes
plenty of illnesses, but Verb problem
causes
pollution
, and hormone
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
brings
numerous medical Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
diseases
too.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph of your essay has a clear main idea and that your points are logically organized. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay. For example, you may want to discuss one main cause of health problems per paragraph.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, ensure that you explicitly connect your examples to the points you are making. Clear transitions between ideas will also improve the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
When discussing different reasons for medical issues, try to provide a more balanced analysis and link them closely to your main argument about sedentary lifestyle. This will help in achieving a clearer, more comprehensive task response.
task achievement
Ensure your specific examples are directly relevant to the point you are making. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments and provide a good structure.
task achievement
You attempt to address different aspects of the issue, which shows a good understanding of the complexity of the topic.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion