IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work.why do you think it is happening?do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantage.

#people #home #country #countries #work #trend
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Some
people
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 leave their native
country
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 and relocate to other
countries
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 for numerous reasons
such
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 as jobs , living standards and security for their families. I think it is happening because
people
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 are thinking that they can get a better life in a different
country
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 as compared to their home
country
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 . In
this
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 essay , I will discuss how the advantages of
this
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 trend outweigh its disadvantages.
To begin
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 with , Jobs are the major reason for an individual to shift from their nation to another state. Everyone needs money to live a better life in
this
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 world .
For example
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 , A recent survey done by Times Magazine revealed that the U.S.A. has more job opportunities for software developers , healthcare professionals and doctors and
moreover
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,
this
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 nation offers high salaries as compared to developing
countries
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as a result
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 ,
people
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 are relocating to developed states on a permanent basis.
Secondly
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 , I believe security is
also
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 an important reason behind
this
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 trend . Some
countries
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 are not safe to live
for instance
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 terrorist attacks are happening there on a daily basis and bomb attacks as well . Everyone wants their family should stay safe. I think to get rid of the above-mentioned problems
people
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 are deciding to relocate their
country
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. Apart from the above reasons, I think some youngsters would like to explore more
countries
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 for many reasons like culture , heritage and language etc.
To conclude
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 ,
Although
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 it is very difficult to leave your home
country
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 and get a visa for your entire family. Still,
people
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 are leaving their motherland to lead a better life. would say the government should take some necessary steps to keep national talent in their homeland.
for example
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 high salary , medical benefits , rebate on tax etc.
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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General
Pay attention to proofreading to avoid small grammatical errors and incorrect punctuation.
Coherence/Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining coherence.
Task Achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help in demonstrating a comprehensive understanding and support for your points.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction clearly sets the context of the essay and provides a preview of the supporting points.
Introduction/Conclusion
Conclusion provides a clear summary of the points discussed and offers thoughtful suggestions.
Task Achievement
Main ideas such as job opportunities, security, and exploration are well identified and discussed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic migrant
  • Brain drain
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Remittances
  • Expatriate
  • Diaspora
  • Transnational
  • Host country
  • Country of origin
  • Push and pull factors
  • Standard of living
  • Political asylum
  • Cross-cultural
  • Migrant workforce
  • Integration policy
What to do next:
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