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Band 7.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and that having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security
Some believe that an individual should always enjoy the
work
 that they do,
while
 others think the most important thing is
job
 security. I personally think that people should always feel safe and satisfied with the
work
 they do. But, financial stability is
also
 very important for individuals to survive. A healthy working environment is one of the key aspects an employee looks for.
Furthermore
, the collaboration and connection that they have with their peers ensure
job
 satisfaction as they have to deal with the same set of people every day.
Also
, it is very important workers maintain their mental stability to continue the level of
work
 efficiency
that is
 expected from the employer.
For example
, most companies are now promoting mental health awareness programs to educate their workers about the importance of being happy at
work
. The financial stability that a
job
 offers is the key reason for most people to seek a
job
 in the first place.
Moreover
, a permanent
job
 comes with a monthly remuneration pot that will be remitted to the bank and perks like life insurance coverage.
Additionally
, some companies provide yearly bonuses so that employees would be encouraged and appraised for what they have done in the past year. A yearly scoring system is a great example of, how companies keep their workers feel enthusiastic so that they feel they are achieving career goals. I believe that it is important that someone likes the
job
 they do rather than working for a company that they do not feel like going to. But
also
, we should keep in mind having a permanent
job
 is
also
 very important rather than falling into unemployment.
Submitted by alanarufanifernando on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good introduction and a conclusion, but the logical structure can be clearer. You mentioned both views and provided your opinion, which is good. However, the transition between the points could be smoother. Consider using more linking words to guide the reader.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both views and giving your opinion. However, try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. Some points feel underdeveloped and could benefit from further elaboration.
coherence cohesion
You've done a good job of introducing the topic and presenting both views clearly. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion.
task achievement
Your essay contains relevant points and examples, particularly about the importance of job satisfaction and financial stability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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