Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some experts believe that
adolesent
should Correct your spelling
adolescents
work
part-time
and make money
. This
way they will learn essential lessons about work
and become more disciplined . However
other individuals argue that teenagers
rest and doing
a lot of activities Wrong verb form
do
their
free Change preposition
in their
time
. In my opinion
they Add a comma
opinion,
work
their
part-Correct pronoun usage
apply
time
and earn money
because they have to pay for their study
One reason why teenagers
should work
part-time
is to learn about money
. When they work
, they can understand how hard it is to earn money
. They will know the value of money
and how to save it. For example
, if a teenager works at a fast food restaurant, they will get a paycheck. They can use this
money
to buy things they want or save it for the future. This
makes them more responsible
Another reason teenagers
should work
part-time
is to learn time
management. When they have a job, they need to plan their time
. They have to balance work
, school, and free time
. For example
, a teenager who works at a grocery store after school has to do their homework before or after work
. This
helps them to be more organized. Learning to manage time
is important for their future.
In conclusion, working part-time
can help teenagers
learn important skills like managing money
and time
. These skills are useful for their future. Even though some people think teenagers
should rest and enjoy their free time
, having a job can make them more responsible and prepared for adulthood. Therefore
, I believe that part-time
work
is beneficial for teenagers
.Submitted by omondavlat91 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents a good balance of points for and against the issue. However, you could improve your band score by developing your ideas further and providing more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
While your essay's structure is logical, linking words could be used more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'for instance,' 'moreover,' or 'on the other hand' could help enhance smooth transitions.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your introduction to clearly state both views before presenting your opinion. Additionally, make sure each body paragraph clearly supports a specific point with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, making it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides clear reasons why teenagers should work part-time, and you support these with examples, helping to illustrate your points well.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite