Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #sacrifice #rest #activities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some experts believe that

adolesent

Correct your spelling

adolescents

should

work

Use synonyms

part-

time

Use synonyms

and make

money

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

way they will learn essential lessons about

work

Use synonyms

and become more disciplined .

However

Linking Words

other individuals argue that

teenagers

Use synonyms

rest and

doing

Wrong verb form

show examples

a lot of activities

their

Change preposition

in their

show examples

free

time

Use synonyms

. In my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

they

work

Use synonyms

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

part-

time

Use synonyms

and earn

money

Use synonyms

because they have to pay for their study One reason why

teenagers

Use synonyms

should

work

Use synonyms

part-

time

Use synonyms

is to learn about

money

Use synonyms

. When they

work

Use synonyms

, they can understand how hard it is to earn

money

Use synonyms

. They will know the value of

money

Use synonyms

and how to save it.

For example

Linking Words

, if a teenager works at a fast food restaurant, they will get a paycheck. They can use

this

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

to buy things they want or save it for the future.

This

Linking Words

makes them more responsible Another reason

teenagers

Use synonyms

should

work

Use synonyms

part-

time

Use synonyms

is to learn

time

Use synonyms

management. When they have a job, they need to plan their

time

Use synonyms

. They have to balance

work

Use synonyms

, school, and free

time

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, a teenager who works at a grocery store after school has to do their homework before or after

work

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

helps them to be more organized. Learning to manage

time

Use synonyms

is important for their future. In conclusion, working part-

time

Use synonyms

can help

teenagers

Use synonyms

learn important skills like managing

money

Use synonyms

and

time

Use synonyms

. These skills are useful for their future. Even though some people think

teenagers

Use synonyms

should rest and enjoy their free

time

Use synonyms

, having a job can make them more responsible and prepared for adulthood.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I believe that part-

time

Use synonyms

work

Use synonyms

is beneficial for

teenagers

Use synonyms

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Mon Jul 15 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay presents a good balance of points for and against the issue. However, you could improve your band score by developing your ideas further and providing more detailed examples.

coherence cohesion

While your essay's structure is logical, linking words could be used more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'for instance,' 'moreover,' or 'on the other hand' could help enhance smooth transitions.

coherence cohesion

Work on refining your introduction to clearly state both views before presenting your opinion. Additionally, make sure each body paragraph clearly supports a specific point with relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, making it easy to follow your argument.

coherence cohesion

Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, which helps frame your argument effectively.

task achievement

Your essay provides clear reasons why teenagers should work part-time, and you support these with examples, helping to illustrate your points well.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
In the present era, children have fewer responsibilities than in the past. Some people consider this as a positive development, others see it as a negative trend. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
In this modern world,some masses believe that children having fewer responsibilities than in past is a positive development while others see it as a negative trend.we are discussing both views in the coming paragraph.In my opinion, having some management allows children to focus on their education and personal development.
4.5
band
Some people think that it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
There is a belief that money should be allocated to improve motorways and roads rather than public system for transport like trains and buses. I completely disagree with this opinion, because it encourages more cars on the road, which increase traffic congestion.
7
band
Today, many people do not know their neighbors. Why is this? What can be done about this?
People these days seem to avoid forming relationships with their neighbours. While this can be attributed to the hectic lifestyles of many people and poor community designs, organizing social events and reshaping urban design can improve the situation.
5
band
Particular cultures are under threat nowdays due to the fact that we are living in a global village.What do you think can be done to protect a society's traditional values and cultures?
Nowadays, by growing social media from all over the word specific and old cultures are in danger of disappearing. It is true that developed societies tend to be integration by copying each other. it cause numerous Terminator consequences. This problem can solved by essential Solutions. For instance, holding traditional celebrations, considering funds to promote values, and educating students are functional ways.
<4
band
A study shows that women may need more care than men. To what extent do you agree with it?
The question of whether women need more care than men has become an integral part of the rising debate in the present world. While proponents of the argument are in favour, however, the opponents are completely against the relevance of more importance of women than men. In my opinion, more importance of women than men has more positive impacts than negative around the globe.

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In the present era, children have fewer responsibilities than in the past. Some people consider this as a positive development, others see it as a negative trend. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people think that it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Today, many people do not know their neighbors. Why is this? What can be done about this?

Particular cultures are under threat nowdays due to the fact that we are living in a global village.What do you think can be done to protect a society's traditional values and cultures?

A study shows that women may need more care than men. To what extent do you agree with it?