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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

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These days, the figure of
athletes
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 is increasing and all of them like to win the
events
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, which is the number of
people
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 who play professional sports that are using banned substances to improve their performance. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss the main reasons that
athletes
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 have been using these kinds of materials and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. Unfortunately, most of the sportsmen are using banned substances for some reasons
such
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 as they want to win the prize for their countries, and they believe when they
use
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 these
things
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 they win a lot of money.
Firstly
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, it is important that all governments the number of prizes that
athletes
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 can obtain the
events
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 like the Olympics, Football World Cap and other competitions;
moreover
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, coaches pressure players to become the best ones;
as a result
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, sportsmen prefer to
use
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 these
things
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 to improve their efficiency.
Secondly
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, a large group of
people
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 thinks when they
use
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 these substances they can play games better than when they do not
use
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 them,
thereafter
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, they can receive a lot of money because
,
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apply
show examples
 most
people
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 leave their jobs for these
events
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 and they do not have any money for a long time when they can catch on new occupations.
Nevertheless
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, we can solve
this
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 matter by some
things
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 like altering the authorities' view and
events
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 laws must be really hard. On the one hand, authorities have that main aspect of
this
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 question
due to
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 the fact when they help
athletes
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 to provide the cost of living in
events
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 time and after them until
people
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 can find job opportunity
also
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, medals have been not crucial
things
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;
therefore
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,
athletes
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 do not like to
use
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 these materials that are not good for their healthy.
On the other hand
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, in
this
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 event players experience all
athletes
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 in a range of
things
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 and alternative their rules harder
for instance
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, when one player using it they cannot play for a long time and they can catch their gifts;
hence
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, not only governments but
athletes
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 avoid
this
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 evidence.
To conclude
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, It is necessary that sportsmen do not
use
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 these
things
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;
furthermore
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,
people
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 who play the
events
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, federations, and governments can help
athletes
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 avoid these kinds of
things
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 must change their beliefs about these materials.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay effectively addresses the task with an introduction that sets up the problem and a conclusion that summarizes your points both logically present. Ensure your concluding sentences link back to the essay question.
logical structure
To improve coherence and cohesion, trim redundant language and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Better transitions between ideas will help in creating a smoother reading experience.
relevant specific examples
You provide some reasons for the use of banned substances and propose solutions. However, adding more specific examples and elaborating on them would strengthen your points.
complete response
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt by discussing both causes and potential solutions in a clear manner.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are present, making the essay feel rounded and complete.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs)
  • Doping
  • Anti-doping regulations
  • Detection methods
  • Ban substances
  • Ethical issues
  • Health risks
  • Fair play
  • Sportsmanship
  • Stakes
  • Pressure to succeed
  • Enforcement
  • Awareness programs
  • Testing frequency
  • Entourage
  • Science advancement
  • Financial gains
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