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Band 4

The plans below show a harbour in 2000 and how it looks today

#plans #show #harbour
The diagram displays the layout of Port Harbour in 2000 compared to the current look.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 there are additionals of several facilities,
such
 as another shower and toilet area, a dock, cafes and shops, and a hotel,
while
 the location of fishing boats and private yachts are exchanged between each other.
According to
 the maps, on the western
side
 of the harbour today, there are two showers and toilets area next to the main road, after the new one is built in between the two car parks.
Moreober
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, on the east
side
 of them, the location of fishing boats and private yachts are exchanged. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
 another dock being built on the north
side
, which makes them have two docks today, with new cafes and shops are
also
 constructed on the right
side
 of the lifeboat.
Furthermore
, on the southeastern
side
 of the harbour, a hotel is built, located next to the
beach
 in the southern area, replacing the old castle. The
beach
,
however
, is no longer a public place since it
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a private
beach
 for hotel visitors only.
On the other hand
, there are several facilities
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 location still
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
unchange
Correct your spelling
unchanged
, like the public
beach
 on the northeastern
side
, the passenger ferries, the lifeboat and the road which connects to the main road.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear comparison between the harbour's layout in 2000 and its current state. However, try to ensure you are more precise in indicating specific changes, using exact phrases and words that are clear and accurate. For example, instead of 'Moreober', it should be 'Moreover'.
coherence cohesion
Even though your essay follows a logical structure, you could improve coherence by separating your points into distinct paragraphs. Begin with an introduction, follow with body paragraphs detailing specific changes, and end with a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more connectors and linking words to ensure a smoother flow of information. This will help in making your writing more coherent and cohesive.
task achievement
You've effectively captured the main changes and transformations in the harbour layout over time, and your descriptions are mostly clear.
task achievement
The use of comparative language is clear and helpful in contrasting the two time periods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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