It is thought by some that its is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Some
people
argue that it is convinient
to reside in a metropolitan, Correct your spelling
convenient
while
others believe that life
in rural areas
is better . There are negative and positive aspects of both areas
. This
essay will discuss both perspectives.
On the one hand, there are ample reasons why people
believe that living in urban areas
is better. Firstly
city
life
is easy. It provides all sorts of facilities. Hospitals are there to provide people
with medical facilities. Cinema houses , theatres and fast communication services are there to serve society . Secondly
, cities offer a lot of chances for progress as they have high-ranked colleges and universities. Furthermore
, sanitary conditions in big cities are very well. Roads are also
wide. There are hotels, provision stores and utility stores to fulfil the needs of people
. Finally
, urban sectors provide jobs to unemployed individuals. For instance
, in New York, unemployment is only 10%.
However
, there are a few disadvantages of
Change preposition
to
city
life
.People
are arrogant and proudy
. They never help each Correct your spelling
proud
others
.
Change to a singular noun
other
On the other hand
, some people
prefer to live in rural areas
because life
in a village is pure and simple .Villagers do not know the evils of city
life
.They are sincere and honest .Countrysides are less polluted which can result in a longer life
.In villages ,food and air are also
pure .However
,there are certain drawbacks to rural life
.Education makes a man civilized and noble.It is a sure means for
development.Chances of education are rare in the village .Individuals Change preposition
of
also
don't know how to solve their problems due to
a lack of guidance.
In conclusion,every place has its own value .In the case of pollution we cannot deny rural life
but for employment city
life
is crucial .I think both are mandatory segments of a stateSubmitted by mianraza686 on
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task achievement
The essay meets the basic requirements of the task, discussing both sides of the argument and providing your opinion. However, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could benefit from clearer reinforcement of your main points.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure in the essay, but the introduction and conclusion could be more robust. A stronger conclusion would help to better summarize the arguments and your viewpoint.
task achievement
Ensure that paragraphs fully support each main point with detailed and relevant examples. For instance, you could expand on the drawbacks of city life with more concrete examples or statistics.
general
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors ('convinient' should be 'convenient', 'proudy' should be 'proud', 'each others' should be 'each other'). While these do not majorly affect comprehension, addressing them can make your essay more polished.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and transitional phrases are used but could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, instead of ‘On the other hand,’ consider using alternatives like ‘Conversely,’ or ‘In contrast,’.
task achievement
You have effectively covered both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The points presented are clear, and your language is generally understandable with a logical flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example