IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some educationist think that the international exchange visit to different countries for a teenager from school has benefits. To what extend do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#educationist #exchange #visit #countries #teenager #school
A number of educators believe that the
exchange
 of teenage students to an overseas country to continue their school journey is beneficial. Disadvantages
such
 as cultural shock,
as well as
 losing an identity could be covered up by some advantages
such
 as expanding the horizons of one's knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and being more independent. Speaking of the obstacles
exchange
 teenagers will face cultural shock must be brought up. Coming from the other side of the world it may seem a little weird in terms of cultural differences. It is those little habits that they might view as frightening or unnatural or even big ones like celebrations.
This
 brings us to the other downside of being an
exchange
student
 which is losing a person's identity
due to
 exposure. Clarifying the point, a person might be unused to certain habits and traditions which could go either way, mostly it goes wrong. When being exposed the brain might alter a change in the way of thinking and accepting new ideas.
For instance
, not wearing a hijab is normal in non-muslim countries,
thus
 a hijabi girl might take it off when she finds her belief is not the common belief. Being an
exchange
student
 is a new move that could be strange at the beginning.
However
, the great thing is there are a tremendous amount of pros that can ensure a great journey ahead. Learning about cultures and meeting different people from different backgrounds enhances the ability to accept change in the future.
Moreover
, an
exchange
student
 will have more chances to adapt to new environments after pursuing their career. Since they are used to things not being the way they used to be.
As well as
, a
student
 will be able to depend on themselves more when it comes to chores, laundry, etc.
Due to
 the fact that their parents won't be around for a
while
. Keeping that in mind no matter how harsh the things that they will face it will always end up on their side. The belief in the high benefits of being an
exchange
student
 is welcomed by some educationists. Pros
such
 as being independent and exploring new cultures outweigh cons
such
 as traditional shocks and losing beliefs.
Submitted by hamdanaldehaihani37 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the points with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain flow.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You addressed both the advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: