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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have make the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweight its disadvantages.

#health #services #necessity #person #companies #individuals #care #outweight
Every person needs
health
 care. Nowadays private
health
 services cost the
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 for a normal person.
While
this
 type of service costs too high, I believe that there are more advantages
such
 as modern technology. On the one hand, close medical
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 have expensive technologies. Today, a lot of companies are investing and improving their equipment to become famous for their services. Many ordinary
people
 choose
such
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 because these companies are able to treat serious diseases.
Furthermore
, private
health
 clinics will take more care of the patient's
health
 than public hospitals, because their status is important to them. South Korea is a vivid example of
this
 situation. Individuals all over the world come to
this
 country to check their
health
 and get tested, because there are limited equipment and superior service.
On the other hand
, the main disadvantage of private hospitals is the high price. Not all ordinary
people
 can afford private clinic treatment services.
For instance
, the cost of treating a patient in a private clinic can be two to three times higher, and it turns out that only rich
people
 can afford
this
 service.
This
 leads to discrimination against ordinary
people
 who do not earn enough to pay for private treatment.
To sum up
, private clinics are equipped with the most modern technologies that treat serious diseases,
although
 at an inflated price. In my opinion, there are more benefits than its disadvantages.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Your essay does well in presenting a balanced view on the topic. However, try providing more specific examples especially in the second body paragraph to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction is clear and concise. You can improve the opening statement to better reflect the essay prompt e.g., start with a more specific observation about the rise in costs of healthcare services and its implication.
coherence cohesion
Improve connections between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases and making logical connections clearer.
task achievement
Your essay is balanced and demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, which is very good.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-organized and supported with relevant examples, especially the mention of South Korea.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in structuring your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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