In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
No one can deny that education serves a great purpose in life whether to
ourself
or the economy. Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
However
, it is debated among the public about the younger generation should be encouraged to work or travel before starting university. From my perspective, the advantages of this
trend outweigh the disadvantages which I will explain on
the following paragraph.
Change preposition
in
To begin
with, there are some benefits to those who is participated
Wrong verb form
participate
on
Change preposition
in
this
pace. Firstly
, gaining practical experience from the real world is worth it because this
enhances a person
skills including social interaction and teamwork by working or Change noun form
person's
traveling
. Change the spelling
travelling
For instance
, while
Correct word choice
apply
traveling
to Change the spelling
travelling
other part
of the country can lead to Change the wording
another part
other parts
better
understanding of the world and gain clarity about their future Add an article
a better
academic
. Fix the agreement mistake
academics
Next,
nowadays the costs of the
Correct article usage
apply
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
has
getting more and more expensive compared to the past, so working as a part-timer can help in reducing financial Verb problem
are
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
such
as student loans. Thus
, they can learn how to manage financial
properly by themselves.
Replace the word
finances
On the other hand
, potential downsides may occur where it effect
a Verb problem
affects
person
academic momentum Change noun form
person's
due to
taking a year off which some students find it challenging to return to a learning environment. On top of that, peer pressure might leads
to Change the verb form
lead
feeling
of isolation or anxiety after a significant break. Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
As a result
, an impact to
their future prospects if not managed well.
In conclusion, consider the merits outweigh the demerits because with Change preposition
on
a
proper guidance from the Remove the article
apply
adults
nothing could go wrong. Add a comma
adults,
Therefore
, I believe that the advantages of this
statement will surely be useful for the younger generations in the future time.Submitted by tifjong on
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task achievement
Your introduction sets the context well, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement directly addressing the topic question. Try to explicitly state that advantages outweigh disadvantages.
task achievement
While your main points are relevant, make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. For instance, give a specific example of a student who benefited from such a break.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring all paragraphs clearly link to each other. Transitions between points and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance flow.
general
There are some grammatical errors and minor inaccuracies. For instance, "has getting" should be "has been getting" and "those who is participated" should be "those who participate". Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure, which helps in organizing your thoughts effectively.
task achievement
You've included both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
The idea of gaining practical experience and addressing financial problems demonstrates a good understanding of the potential benefits of taking a gap year.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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