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Band 7.5

In recent years many local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers to do their shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?

#years #shops #customers #travel #centers #development
There is no denying that the number of
customers
 who are going to go to large shopping
centres
 for their shopping has been increasing over and over these days.
Due to
 the development of customer benefits in large shopping
centres
, many people would prefer to shop in big shopping
centres
.
However
, some people say
this
 issue has negative effects on our association. Visiting large
centres
 for shopping seems positive for people because of the convenience.
For example
, it is possible to buy anything you planned at once in large shopping
centres
. They provide plenty of options to
customers
such
 as fashion clothes, shoes, accessories sections and even food courts which is called ‘All in One under one roof’.
Whereas
, the issue has negative effects on our society as well. There are problems with the trend.
Firstly
, the closed local stores have been increasing gradually because of reduced visitors.
According to
 eminent economists, the more
customers
 feel attracted to shopping under one roof the less
customers
 visit local stores unless they do provide special experiences to
customers
.
Secondly
, the financial penalty for local store owners. In a way, the financial penalty is a natural consequence of a decrease in visiting local stores.
Therefore
, the local economic power and local interactions are getting weaker.
According to
 some statistics, there is a correlation between population congestion in a specific place and economic unbalance. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I personally believe that large shopping
centres
 have positive effects
although
 there are negative things. Because any change has costs and the created market might be producing new jobs.
Submitted by ryujaekwang0928 on

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task response
The task response addresses the question adequately, but it could be more detailed regarding specific examples. Supply more concrete instances to bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure, but it can be improved. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. Try to make them more compelling to effectively frame your argument.
task response
Some ideas could be more clearly expressed. Aim to refine and articulate your viewpoints more precisely.
task response
The essay provides a balanced look at the positive and negative aspects of large shopping centers, highlighting both viewpoints effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are presented with adequate support, demonstrating an understanding of the issue.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic decline
  • job losses
  • stimulate the economy
  • consumer convenience
  • under one roof
  • lower prices
  • erode local culture
  • unique character
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable lifestyle
  • community hubs
  • social interactions
  • community spirit
  • local engagement
  • food courts
  • entertainment areas
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