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Band 4.5

It is becoming more and more difficult to eacape the influence of the media on our lives.  Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.

#eacape #influence #media #lives #society
In
this
modernize
Replace the word
modern
show examples
 epoch,
everyboday
Correct your spelling
everybody
 is connected by social websites so,it is extremely hard for them to get rid
off from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the charm of it.Widest use
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some merits
as well as
 demerits.In
this
 essay,I will discuss both advantages and drawbacks with appropriate examples.
To begin
 with
fruitfullness
Correct your spelling
fruitfulness
,it fosters a platform for
people
 to connect with their
lovedones
Correct your spelling
loved ones
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
contrast
Add an article
a contrast
show examples
 to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
,communication has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 significantly rapid and one can drop messages in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 blink of
Correct article usage
an eyes
show examples
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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.
For example
,
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
 has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 crucial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
conference
Fix the agreement mistake
conferences
show examples
 with friends and relatives and it
also
 renders video chats,
emojis
Correct word choice
and emojis
show examples
 to express
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
feelings.
Moreover
,other platforms like Instagram,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
show examples
 have a pivotal role in the
businesses
Change noun form
business's
businesses'
show examples
 encouragement as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 help to collaborate with bloggers and use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 branding of their products.
As a result
,it
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
Correct article usage
the demnad
show examples
demnad
Correct your spelling
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 and
proliferate
Change the verb form
proliferates
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 of
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 nation.
However
,it
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some negative impacts on
people
's
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
such
 as,
people
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
lazzy
Correct your spelling
lazy
 as compared to the
past.No
Correct your spelling
past
 one has much time for leisure activities because they
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 engaged with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social sites.
As a result
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 not only
hamper
Correct subject-verb agreement
hampers
show examples
people
's mental wellness but
also
 their visions.They have numerous chances of addiction,
while
Correct word choice
and while
show examples
 getting free time everyone
compelled
Add a missing verb
is compelled
show examples
 to scroll on social services.
For instance
,kids are always on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
while
 having lunch or dinner.
To sum up
,every coin has two sides
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as,too much use of social services
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 hindered
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the mental peace of humans.
while
 using it for a better purpose and a limited period of time proves to be beneficial for everyone and it has
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances of addiction.
Submitted by jenny.15121996 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each idea is supported by clear examples and explanations. The example about kids using phones during meals could be further clarified and expanded.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and eliminating grammatical errors to enhance readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to revisit some sections for clarity and coherence. For instance, refine the second body paragraph for better structure and clearer points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps to frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your arguments about the advantages of media, such as connectivity and business growth, are relevant.
coherence cohesion
The essay has good organization with distinct paragraphs handling different aspects of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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