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Band 7.5

Both men and women care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#men #women #care #appearance
In modern days, more and more people regarding their age, gender, and social level have started to reconsider their appearance,
therefore
 spending way more time, energy, and resources on enhancing their looks compared to past times. I would certainly agree with
this
 statement and will
also
 discuss why I can’t agree with some aspects of
this
 topic. First of all, I would like to separate
men
 and
women
due to
 different social expectations and norms. Throughout history,
women
 were more likely to experience a certain pressure on their looks and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
That is
 the reason why
women
 today spend even more time and money on their looks. In our modern age, we have a new term, "neopatriarchy”, which basically sells the idea that
women
 should do plastic surgeries, be slimmer, put makeup on, and so on just for themselves.
This
 is completely misleading and sets the wrong ideas for young girls. Before, it was straightforward that
women
 should look better for their man, husband, and family,
while
 nowadays
women
 believe that looking better is something that they are doing because of themselves. It is getting harder to not think about it because of social media, where people post only the best of themselves without showing the actual and truthful side of their appearance. That’s why I believe that these social media content creators can do more harm to ordinary people, and it’s something that
women
 have to understand how to stay rational and truthful to themselves.
On the other hand
,
men
 have never faced the same criticism as
women
 before recent times. Even fifty years ago, almost none would say anything about
men
 having wrinkles or being slightly obese. Unlike nowadays,
men
also
 have begun to think more about their looks, they have started to work out more to be in shape, and they
also
 have begun doing plastic surgeries and going to the barbers. I wouldn’t necessarily say that now it is better than it was before because it
also
 has some downsides.
For example
, toxic masculine
men
 are usually the ones who will try to offend
men
 who try to change their looks, do nails, change their hairstyle, or wear “
women
” type clothes. In
this
 case, the problem lies deep in our social norms and standards, which are slowly moving towards gender naturality and accepting yourself, and hopefully, in the future, no one will be ashamed to be themselves. To sum it up, there is definitely a trend for
men
 and
women
, where they are trying to look better and care more about their appearance than in previous times.
Submitted by forkulichka on

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to more clearly outline the main points of your essay. This can help guide your reader and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is generally well-organized, make sure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader. This will enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough and balanced discussion of the topic. You have effectively addressed both genders and their varying experiences regarding appearance. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Your use of terms like 'neopatriarchy' and discussion about social pressures and norms adds depth to your argument. It shows a high level of awareness about societal trends.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow and is well-structured. Your points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
A clear and concise conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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