IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Public library should provide books and not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, applications, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?

#library #books #waste #resources #media #software #applications #videos #dvds
These days, public
libraries
 are the best place for finding books and DVDs, and it is important that they improve their
things
;
however
, a group of
people
 believe that these places have to spend their
money
 on books , not on resources on expensive high-tech media
such
 as software, applications, videos or DVDs. I am divided by
this
 idea because
people
 who cannot buy
things
 which are costly can borrow them, and expensive
things
 are in one place and all
people
 can use them. On the one hand, most of the inhabitants
such
 as students in a region cannot buy all the items that are needed for lessons;
however
, when the local places like the library have them,
then
 they can borrow them with the lowest
money
.
For example
, I had to work with MATLAB software for my course at the institute, but the number of
money
 that I had to pay for it was high;
hence
, I used the public library to solve my problem.
On the other hand
, if local
libraries
 in the districts have a range of tools, books, and other
things
,
then
 it can help not only the environment but
also
 the knowledge of citizens who live in
this
 area
due to
 the fact
people
 who need
things
 borrow them from the library
instead
 of spend a lot of
money
 for it the fact that the figure of buy these equipment reduce;
moreover
, manufactures do not product them;
therefore
, we have safer surroundings.
In addition
, the population who like to improve their knowledge and do not wealthy
libraries
 are the best choice.
To conclude
, the best way that help communities, pupils, and backgrounds is the public
libraries
 to have everything that
people
 need a lot.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task response
You have presented a balanced viewpoint, which is good. However, your thesis statement can be clearer to show your stance explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Consider focusing more on organization. Clear, separate paragraphs for each main point and use of signposting language can enhance the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Avoid jumping between ideas within the same paragraph.
task response
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which gives a complete structure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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