IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?

#criminals #crimes #prison #effects #society
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It is mostly experienced ,that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of culprits are engaged in crimes immediately when they are liberated from
guardhouse
Add an article
the guardhouse
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.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will touch
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 main reasons and effects of
this
Linking Words
 circumstance on
community
Correct article usage
the community
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. It is obvious, that criminals live in
under
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apply
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difficult situations .
Priliminary
Correct your spelling
Preliminary
,they are deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their liberty,they can not go any social places like stores,malls,public
tranports
Correct your spelling
transports
transport
 and so on.So,they
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 are engaged in
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 activities ,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 time goes by live as robots.Their daily
routin
Correct your spelling
routine
 consists of waking up early,eating,sleeping and suffering.They are surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
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 unhealthy,stressful and dirty environments.Given these convincing reasons,their brains and psychological systems break down,but they do not feel them.
Finally
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,when they are eliminated again ,they commit
further
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 crimes as soon as
.
Correct word choice
possible.
show examples
 But ,
this
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 is a massive issue,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 has adverse implications
on
Change preposition
for
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public
Add an article
the public
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.Society
are
Change the verb form
is
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 not
in
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apply
show examples
safe ,they are surrounded
with
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by
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 current danger .Members of society immediately can face
with
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apply
show examples
any action say robbery,brigandage and torture.They are not only
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 problem for older people,but
also
Linking Words
 for kids,children and younger ones.They think it is
easy
Add an article
an easy
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 process to persuade younger ones about their pure intention.
Additionally
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,in another case,most of them destroy monuments ,
ancient
Correct word choice
and ancient
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 buildings,kill animals and make fire in crowded places .They relax with these
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
,because for a long time they do not act as they want.
For reducing
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To reduce
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 the effects of stressful events they revenge
from
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on
show examples
 innocent individuals.
For summarizing
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To summarize
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,
crimianls
Correct your spelling
criminals
 commit many crimes as soon as they are free because of their psychological and brain disorders ,but they are believed potential danger for publicity about
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 and quiet life of all individuals,including animals.
Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are well-supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction by providing a clearer statement of your main points and ensuring the conclusion summarizes your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples that directly support your points. This will enhance the relevance and impact of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are more clearly expressed and comprehensive. This can be achieved by elaborating on your points and providing more details.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question and covers both causes and effects of recidivism among criminals.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay with a clear progression from causes to effects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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