IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?

Nowadays the persons released from
prison
Use synonyms
 commonly commit
further
Linking Words
 crimes. In
this
Linking Words
 essay I will touch on the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation and which possible negative effects
this
Linking Words
 has on society. In my opinion, the main aim of jail is a rehabilitate persons who are convicted. But mentioned issue raises serious concerns about the effectiveness of the penal system. Because a vast majority of offenders after releasing from
prison
Use synonyms
 commit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 in a short time period. The cause of
this
Linking Words
 is a lack of workplaces for increasing their wellbeing. The first reason is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 approach of employers toward them. No one wants to recruit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person with a crime past because they cannot rely on them. Another contributing factor is
influence
Add an article
the influence
show examples
 of criminal
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 inside
Use synonyms
prison
Fix the agreement mistake
prisons
show examples
 whose
aims
Fix the agreement mistake
aim
show examples
 is
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
 an easy income from
such
Linking Words
 crimes as selling drugs, robbery etc. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of high recidivism rates increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change the verb form
start
show examples
starts
Add the particle
starts to
show examples
 lose their
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 in
justice
Add an article
the justice
show examples
 system. They may feel unsafe and stop believing in the police and the courts.
Second,
Linking Words
repeat crimes cost a lot of money. Each crime needs police work, court cases, and sometimes more time in
prison
Use synonyms
. Reformation of offenders must be the main aim of government.
Also
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must have a special reintegration and support program
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 type of
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 in society.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your main points and ideas to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your claims about recidivism and its effects on society.
task achievement
You have effectively identified some key causes of recidivism, such as the lack of job opportunities and the influence of criminal networks, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction that outlines the purpose, helping to orient the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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