IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Advertising, which is a significant part of companies, leads to debates about whether it is as successful as it once was.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 assert that adverts still have a vital impact in promoting goods among consumers, others allege that they have lost their importance
due to
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 their prevalence.
Although
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 we encounter adverts everywhere and they often bother us, I think advertising still affects the background of our minds. The advancement of social media platforms and the increase in marketing
result
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resulted
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 in us encountering product promotions almost everywhere.
As a result
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,
people
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 often ignore ads, leading to public frustration.
For example
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, if you haven't purchased a premium account, you have to wait for the ad to end when you watch a video on YouTube or listen to music on Spotify. These practices anger
people
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, and they do not pay attention to the brand names being advertised.
On the other hand
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, companies employ diverse promotion tactics and receive support from professional consultants. They learn how to influence our minds to sell their goods.
According to
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 an investigation, if
people
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 are repeatedly exposed to an advertisement, including visual effects or catchy musical tones, they adopt them.
Consequently
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, by exploiting the mental weaknesses of the public, firms achieve their goals. In conclusion, whether we focus on adverts or not, elements
such
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 as tones, graphics, or a
favored
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favoured
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 actress
continue
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continues
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 to impress us.
Although
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 it is evident that today’s advertising management sometimes exaggerates the frequency of illustrations, they still have a substantial effect on customers.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. This could make the essay more convincing and provide clearer evidence for your points.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly. This will make the arguments easier to follow and the essay more fluid.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and clearly states the writer’s opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are logically structured, with each paragraph exploring a distinct aspect of the topic. This organization helps readers follow the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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