IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Childrem are facing more pressure nowdays from academic social and commercial prespective what are the causes of these pressure and what measure should be taken to reduce these.

#childrem #pressure #nowdays #prespective #measure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays young people face extra
pressure
 from commercial, social, and academic aspects. Some possible causes are the widespread of
media
, and the world moving at a faster pace. Ideal solutions for
this
problem
 are lowering and restricting social
media
 intake,
as well as
 boosting self-confidence. The
problem
 of the overloaded
pressure
 children are facing is
due to
 the overtaking of
media
 and the pace the world is moving
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, life generally is becoming faster
due to
media
 and technological innovations,
thus
 people are feeling pressured to fit in the standards.
For instance
, a teenager centuries ago
won't
Correct your spelling
wouldn't
feel
Wrong verb form
have felt
show examples
 the same
pressure
 because
caught
Add a missing verb
being caught
show examples
 up
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the news and being present online for the entire day was not a thing back
then
.
Clearing
Change preposition
To clearing
show examples
 up the point,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media
 accessibility alters the feeling of being less than anyone which in fact
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 up more
pressure
 and sets
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inconvenient
standers
Correct your spelling
standards
show examples
 so high making a
child
 not feel worthy of
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
. As part of reducing
this
 major
problem
Add a comma
problem,
show examples
 some restrictions
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to be set. Reducing the amount of time on social
media
 and the general intake is a great solution, as it could lower the amount of
nonesense
Correct your spelling
nonsense
 that a
child
 is exposed to. With that being said, the other solution is nothing but a follow-up to the first one, which is to boost self-confidence. Making a
child
 confident will not only take off all the
pressure
, it will
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 regulate his perception of things and they will be able to recognize what they can do and what they can not do. To clarify
this
, if a
child
 has restrictions
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
 intake and
focuses
Correct subject-verb agreement
focus
show examples
 on themselves, which will make them feel grateful for their accomplishments,
hence
 self-confidence will naturally grow. That itself will allow him to not be caught up in whatever the teenagers are caught up in. More
pressure
 is being felt by teenagers in many sectors
such
 as academic, social, and commercial.
This
 huge
problem
 is caused by the spread of news so fast, and the upgoing retham of the globe. Some solutions
such
 as regulating
media
 consumption and building up confidence in one's mind could reduce the
problem
.
Submitted by hamdanaldehaihani37 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence/ cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Use more transition words and phrases to link ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your main points and provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence/ cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a final viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main causes and solutions for the pressures faced by young people today.
coherence/ cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence/ cohesion
There are some logical connections between ideas, making it fairly easy to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: