IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many doctors encourage older people to do more exercises. However, in many countries, older people still exercise very little.Why is this the case?What can be done about it?

In many countries, the elderly engage in very little
exercise
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 despite doctors’ advice.
This
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 phenomenon is driven by several factors, and I believe that there are still actions which can be taken to increase the rate of elderly
people
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 participating in
exercise
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. The primary reasons why older
people
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 are less inclined to
exercise
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 include the lack of
facilities
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 and locations that accommodate their specific physical needs.
While
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 there are various
exercise
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 options for young
people
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,
such
Linking Words
 as fitness
centers
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centres
show examples
, swimming pools, and sports
facilities
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, older adults, whose physical abilities have often declined, require special equipment and methods to maintain their health. The inadequacy of
such
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 targeted
facilities
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 greatly reduces their motivation for physical activity and may even lead to muscle damage if they lack proper guidance. In response to
this
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 issue, I believe several actions could help increase the proportion of older
people
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 who engage in
exercise
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. Governments should provide more accessible and elderly-friendly amenities,
such
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 as senior
centers
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centres
show examples
 and gyms specifically designed for older adults,
as well as
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 professional
trainers
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trainers,
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 to guide them safely.
Additionally
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, younger family members, like children and grandchildren, can play a crucial role by encouraging and accompanying their older relatives in
exercise
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.
This
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 approach not only provides companionship but
also
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 fosters familiarity, which is essential, as many elderly individuals are hesitant to try unfamiliar activities alone. In conclusion, the low level of
exercise
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 among the elderly is closely linked to inadequate infrastructure. Both governments and family members should take proactive steps to address
this
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 issue by improving
facilities
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 and offering family support.

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by identifying key reasons why elderly people might not exercise and suggesting possible solutions. However, consider expanding on specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument even further.
coherence cohesion
The ideas in your essay are generally clear and well-organized. To enhance coherence and cohesion, try using more varied linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion about elderly exercise participation.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with logical arguments about why the elderly might not exercise and what solutions can be implemented.
task achievement
Your response thoroughly discusses both the reasons for low levels of exercise among the elderly and potential solutions, directly addressing the task requirements.
task achievement
The ideas presented are generally clear, making the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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