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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Everyone should be encouraged to use fewer resourches rather than reycle more To what extent do you agree with the statement?

#resourches #reycle
Resources
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 pivotal for everyone; they can
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 encouraged rather than recycle more. I support the statement since
wood
 and
water
 are beneficial for
people
 in the world, so
people
 can
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with caution.
Firstly
,
wood
 sources
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 essential nowadays because most
people
 and companies are doing illegal logging,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 deforestation occurs everywhere
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after they have down, they do not conservation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that it will extinct the material if the company or government
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 paper for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Consequently
,
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 and materials made from
wood
 will be difficult to obtain.
However
, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 make some
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 to tackle
people
 doing illegal logging, it is the best way
declined
Verb problem
to prevent
show examples
people
 used
wood
 for specific
perpose
Correct your spelling
purpose
purposes
.
Secondly
,
water
 is crucial today.
However
, many countries have less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water
 since the
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 is over,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 industry and household
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 need to
control
Wrong verb form
be controlled
show examples
 by society. it can avoid excessive
water
use
. The government require
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
socialization to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems,
such
 as
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 new
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 maximal
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
 every stakeholder
likewise
 industry and family members because it will overcome
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
water
, and if the government
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 make clean
water
, they need
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 money to invest.
As a result
, it is the best solution for
solve
Change the verb form
solving
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
water
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To sum up
,
to
Change the verb form
using
show examples
use
 fewer resources
wood
 and
water
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential compared to recycling more
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it needs conservation for
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 time
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
wood
.
Then
water
 requires more money to clean
water
 facilities. I agree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement since it can be overcome using material more in the citizen.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay by ensuring a smooth flow of ideas and clear connections between paragraphs and sentences. For example, using transition phrases like 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'On the other hand' can help create a more coherent text.
task achievement
Focus on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. Ensure that each example is directly linked to the argument you are presenting.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and outline the main points of the essay, providing a clear response to the question.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the use of wood and water as resources, providing a comprehensive response to the task prompt.

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