IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the issue of the fact that the best tactic to decrease
poverty
Use synonyms
 in developing nations is by giving up to six years of free
education
Use synonyms
 in order that they can at least have literate
skills
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 and utilize numbers. In my viewpoint, I do not regard myself as an advocate of
this
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 idea.
Firstly
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, it is obvious
to note
Verb problem
apply
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that the state plays a paramount
significant
Correct word choice
apply
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role in giving financial support to the educational system for personnel in the future. And the explanation for
this
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 is that schooling helps
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 workforces digest insightful knowledge, which contributes to the economic development of their nation.
For instance
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, current jobs require employees to have literate
skills
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 to create contracts or backbone industry provides a myriad of jobs
such
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 as accountant or financier who
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 math
skills
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 to calculate numbers.
Hence
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, it is crucial for the government to invest in
this
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 significant backbone industry to reduce
poverty
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. Even though giving six years of
education
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 without cost is effective in reducing
poverty
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, providing them
vocational
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with vocational
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skills
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 can bring more great effects than that. Chief of
this
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 is that being taught
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
skills
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 can provide poor people with income-making
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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. To be more specific, the authorities who supply courses
such
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 as weaving, knitting or engineering
skills
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 for the poor will help them be able to meet job requirements
although
Linking Words
 their level of
education
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 is not high compared to people who have literate
skills
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 and math
skills
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, vocationally trained people can pay for their own needs and provide enough for their families financially. In conclusion, giving free
six year
Add a hyphen
six-year
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education
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 plays a paramount imperative role
to decrease
Change preposition
in decreasing
show examples
poverty
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, but
this
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 is not the best tactic
due to
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 the necessity of providing vocational
skills
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and addresses both sides of the issue. However, you should aim to structure your introduction more effectively, by clearly outlining your stance from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Some of your paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more detailed explanations. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and restates your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • functional literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • educational opportunity
  • employment prospects
  • critical thinking
  • empowerment
  • inequality reduction
  • sustainable development
  • innovation
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