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Writing Samples
Band 6

Having a good university degree guarantees people a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #guarantees #people #job
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In the past, the employment market implicitly preferred
people
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 who have
qualifications
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 from good
universities
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such
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 as Ivy League or Russel Group
universities
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.
However
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, these days, companies not only prefer to hire
people
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 with a good
university
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degree
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 but
also
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people
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 who fit to company's objective.
This
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 essay will explore in balance whether having a good
university
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degree
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 guarantees good
placement
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. On
one
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 hand, it can be said that having a prestigious
university
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degree
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 certainly affects
one
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's opportunity to get offered good
placement
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 since graduating from a major
university
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 proves to a certain extent that the
candidate
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 is a diligent and hard-working person.
According to
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 statistics from
one
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 global company in America, it is shown that
people
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 who possess Ivy League
university
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 degrees perform 70% better than workers who do not have
one
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.
Due to
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this
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 trend which existed from old times, candidates with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
qualifications
a qualification
show examples
qualifications
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 from top
universities
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 have a higher chance of employment.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 is not always true these days. Nowadays, companies do not only consider
candidate
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's higher education
qualifications
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 but try to employ
people
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 who satisfy their needs. Since having degrees from good
universities
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 does not mean that
one
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 necessarily meets the company's core
values
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, a
degree
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 from a reputable
university
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 does not always guarantee satisfactory
placement
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.
For instance
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, Korea's biggest group Samsung's core
values
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 are Passion, Creativity, and Integrity. If there is a
candidate
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 with good educational
qualifications
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 but does not meet any of these needs and a
candidate
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 who has a
degree
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 from a non-prestigious
university
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 but
fulfills
Change the spelling
fulfils
show examples
 those
values
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, the latter
one
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 has a higher chance of getting employed.
Hence
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, it can be asserted that graduating from a top
university
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 does not guarantee job
placement
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.
To conclude
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, the given statement is true to some extent since a
degree
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 can be a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 that proves a
candidate
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's skills, but at the same time, it is not in all cases since companies now focus on recruiting
people
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 with the
values
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 they pursue.
Nonetheless
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, I insist that still having
qualifications
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 from a renowned
university
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 is potentially beneficial.
Submitted by yelim050319 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay has a clear opinion throughout, reflecting the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
task achievement
Develop paragraphs with a single clear idea, ensuring that each is thoroughly supported with specific detail and examples.
coherence cohesion
While you do present clear main points, try to reinforce them with more detailed examples or evidence to enhance persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Revise the conclusion to more strongly reflect the extent of agreement or disagreement and summarize the key points discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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