IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that museum should be free where as others opine that some entry fee should be there. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some people believe that charges for entry
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 museums should be free,
while
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 others argue that they are unable access to the
museum
Use synonyms
 without any cost .From my perspective,I firmly agree with the latter statement. It is quite evident that
Art
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 and Craft galleries play an important role in preserving cultural,historical and scientifically significant objects.
However
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, displaying these precious materials like old swords,incredible jewellery and
art
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 pieces for the audience requires funds for security purposes.
Moreover
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, supervision is needed for the exhibition of all the old invaluable crafts , architecture,
art
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 and ancient rare items.
For instance
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, the Acropolis
Museum
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 in Greece is one of the famous tourist attractions where they conserve their
history
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 and cultural arts and because of that charges for entry are essential .
Therefore
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 public can easily approach the
museum
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 and a guide will provided to give a brief for that specific place . Nowadays ear earpieces are distributed among the
turoist
Correct your spelling
tourists
 where they can play recordings regarding their related stories and
as a result
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, they cost 500 dollars for single entries.
In contrast
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, local libraries and exhibitions of ancient
art
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 and
history
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 do not require entry payment so
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 can access easily their tradition , culture and
history
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observing
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by observing
show examples
 the craft materials and
art
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 piece even teenagers
also
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 appraise their old tales.
For example
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 local
museum
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 of Allahabad in India privileges locals without any fee for entrance which is why each one can freely approach their significant patron
history
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 and ancient times items .
As a result
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 ,old traditional stories were spread knowledge and experience to the upcoming generation. In conclusion,
although
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 we require wages for conserving and protecting the old times things are on display .
Furthermore
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 for locals rate should be negligible or less for permits.
Therefore
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, every individual can ingress connection to their emotional and cultural arts and science information towards their nation.

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task response
While your essay covers both sides of the argument, it can be improved by presenting a more balanced view with well-articulated points for each side. Also, your introduction could be clearer. Consider revising it to concisely state both sides before expressing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This can be achieved by using more connectors and linking words.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the essay. Proofreading and using tools like grammar checks can help minimize these errors.
task response
You included specific examples, like the Acropolis Museum and the local museum of Allahabad, which help to substantiate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively restates your opinion and provides a summary of your main points, making your stance clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public engagement
  • financial sustainability
  • socioeconomic backgrounds
  • educational experiences
  • exhibits
  • new acquisitions
  • economic accessibility
  • culture and history
  • equality
  • perceived value
  • tourism
  • downstream economic benefits
  • operational costs
  • staffing
  • security
  • maintenance
  • inclusivity
  • cultural opportunities
  • special exhibits
  • resources
  • crowds
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