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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university
There are some countries that encourage
the
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young individuals to work for a year after finishing high school before starting
university
 .
This
 essay
,
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will include the benefits and the drawbacks
about
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of
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this
 idea . Encouraging
the
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young
people
 to work between finishing high school and starting
university
 could be very beneficial . First of all , the young could gain new experiences , habits and knowledge . To illustrate , working in a cafe as
barista
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a barista
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 will develop your experience in making different types of
coffees
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coffee
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 and
learn
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teach
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 a variety of ways
of
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how you can do it using easy recipes. Second of all , it will
also
 help you to have a strong
cv
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CV
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 for your
university
 application .
In addition
, it will develop your skills and language .
For example
, if you're working in a restaurant as a cashier you might learn new languages and upgrade your communication skills . Moving on to the disadvantages , that it could lead
by
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to
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 working a year before going to
university
 . Somehow, it's a bad idea for some
people
 because they need a break after finishing a huge amount of effort and stress so they need to clear their head and have fun before starting a new journey .
Furthermore
, some job environments have a low standard of manners .
However
,
this
 could
effect
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affect
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the
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young
people
 since they are still considered teenagers . In conclusion, these days so many young
people
 want to start making money and have jobs directly after finishing high school. In my opinion, I think that it's a good thing and could be very beneficial for
the
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young
people
 .
Submitted by fiesaidi on

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task achievement
Ensure to avoid repetition and maintain relevance in your points. For example, instead of repeating 'First of all' and 'Second of all,' use more varied transitional phrases to keep the reader engaged. Also, it's essential to address both advantages and disadvantages equally to ensure a balanced response to the task.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammatical errors, such as unnecessary commas and incorrect article usage. For instance, "a bad idea" is better than "somehow, it's a bad idea." Improving your grammar and syntax will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will help maintain coherence and cohesion in your writing. Transition words and signposting phrases can help guide the reader through your essay seamlessly.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of taking a gap year.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured well, with clear headings for the advantages and disadvantages, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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