In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
There are some countries that encourage
the
young individuals to work for a year after finishing high school before starting Correct article usage
apply
university
. This
essay ,
will include the benefits and the drawbacks Remove the comma
apply
about
Change preposition
of
this
idea .
Encouraging the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
to work between finishing high school and starting university
could be very beneficial . First of all , the young could gain new experiences , habits and knowledge . To illustrate , working in a cafe as barista
will develop your experience in making different types of Add an article
a barista
coffees
and Fix the agreement mistake
coffee
learn
a variety of ways Verb problem
teach
of
how you can do it using easy recipes. Second of all , it will Change preposition
apply
also
help you to have a strong cv
for your Correct your spelling
CV
university
application . In addition
, it will develop your skills and language . For example
, if you're working in a restaurant as a cashier you might learn new languages and upgrade your communication skills .
Moving on to the disadvantages , that it could lead by
working a year before going to Change preposition
to
university
. Somehow, it's a bad idea for some people
because they need a break after finishing a huge amount of effort and stress so they need to clear their head and have fun before starting a new journey . Furthermore
, some job environments have a low standard of manners . However
, this
could effect
Correct your spelling
affect
the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
since they are still considered teenagers .
In conclusion, these days so many young people
want to start making money and have jobs directly after finishing high school. In my opinion, I think that it's a good thing and could be very beneficial for the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
.Submitted by fiesaidi on
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task achievement
Ensure to avoid repetition and maintain relevance in your points. For example, instead of repeating 'First of all' and 'Second of all,' use more varied transitional phrases to keep the reader engaged. Also, it's essential to address both advantages and disadvantages equally to ensure a balanced response to the task.
task achievement
Be cautious with grammatical errors, such as unnecessary commas and incorrect article usage. For instance, "a bad idea" is better than "somehow, it's a bad idea." Improving your grammar and syntax will enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will help maintain coherence and cohesion in your writing. Transition words and signposting phrases can help guide the reader through your essay seamlessly.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of taking a gap year.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured well, with clear headings for the advantages and disadvantages, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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