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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to run a business is within the family. What are advantages and disadvantages of a family run business.

#people #business
Currently, the number of people who can establish new businesses is increasing, so some people believe that the best way that run a firm that use their families.
while
 there are some merits of using family for
work
, I still think that these cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, there are several benefits of working with family.
Firstly
, if you are a manager of the company that worker is your family particularly persons who are really close to you can help you to manage your
work
 not only faster but
also
 better than past with high efficiency.
Secondly
, you can
work
 in your free time when your employees do not have any
work
, or they can
work
 in your house
instead
 of the office.
On the other hand
, the demerits of controlling the family
business
 are really hard for various reasons. it is crucial that when your workers do not
work
 very well you cannot fire them because they are your family.
In addition
, if you find workers that are professionals in one
work
 you cannot accept it
due to
 the fact your family must acknowledge them.
Furthermore
, when your family have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main power in your
work
;
therefore
, they can fail your
business
 for some reasons
such
 as money issues, fighting, and other things.
To conclude
,
whereas
, the family can aid you in improving your
business
;
nevertheless
, they can damage your company with their behaviour;
hence
, the bad points of joining a family in their
business
 can outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the question thoroughly and includes more specific examples to support your reasoning. Mentioning real-world family businesses could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully. Each paragraph should elaborate on a single point with depth and clarity. This will help in presenting clear and comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure can be refined. Aim to make transitions between points smoother and ensure that your ideas flow naturally from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of family-run businesses, which shows a balanced approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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