IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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It is argued that scientific
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 must be targeted toward improving individuals' quality of life. I agree with
this
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 statement because the main core of
science
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 is to remove obstacles that stand against
people
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 and the ethical consideration behind any scientist's discovery forces him to root in his mind
people
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 . One of the main reasons why
science
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 should solely focus on human thrive is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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what is
science
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 innovated for. Early scientists started their projects before the dawn of culture to help mankind through their journey of life.
However
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,
this
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 reason recently started to fade and, unfortunately, scientists nowadays are looking for funding and revenue more than the main cause.
For example
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, many of the current innovations were sold to famous companies, so that these companies can use these discoveries as a method of earning. The other main reason is the ethics behind
science
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. The goal of all
science
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 branches is to simplify our
lives
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. Take law as an example, it is meant to help us to build a strong, well-organised, and out-of-criminal community. Medicine is the branch of
science
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 that helps patients back to their normal
lives
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 or at least alleviates their symptoms.
While
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 all these branches are bonded by ethical bands to serve humanity, some of them are deviating to serve other purposes.
For example
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,
instead
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 of making
people
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's
lives
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 easier in developing countries treatment prices are out of their budget and
science
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 in
this
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 situation
devating
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deviating
 away from its core. In conclusion,
while
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 I totally agree that
science
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 should entirely focus on improving
people
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's
lives
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, I
also
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 believe, nowadays,
science
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 is serving an agenda other than
people
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's main concerns.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically connects to the next to maintain a smooth flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially about the ethical considerations and deviations in scientific purposes.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the argument regarding how science is deviating from serving people's concerns.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize the main argument.
task achievement
You've successfully identified two main points to support your position, providing a solid base for your response.
task achievement
The essay remains focused on the main argument throughout, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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