IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe governments should spend more money on improving roads and highways, while some think money should be spent improving public transportation such as buses, trains and subways Discuss both points of view and give your opinion

#believe #governments #money #roads #highways #think #transportation #buses #trains #subways #points
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The government has invested millions in building smooth
roads
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 and highways.
Additionally
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. In developing
transportation
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.
However
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, many
people
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 think that the money should be diverted to improving and enhancing public
transport
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 and vice versa.
This
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 essay will discuss that
both
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 require investments.
To begin
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 with, most of the
people
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 think that the authorities should invest in improving streets,
roads
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 and subways.
Firstly
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, Roadways are majorly used for the
transportation
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 of goods and services. To be more specific, tons of materials
such
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 as machinery, rocks, raw materials and many more items are transported daily through
roads
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, resulting in the economic growth of the country. Another major reason for the investment would be to reduce the chances of fatal accidents.
Due to
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 potholes, present all over the road , there is a significant rise in road accidents. Sometimes,
also
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 leads to death fatalities, especially in rainy weather. In fact, the Government of
transport
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 has found a correlation between potholes and increasing accidents.
On the other hand
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, a large number of
people
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 tend to use public
transport
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such
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 as buses, trains and subways.
Therefore
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, the maintenance of these services is important for the safety of the public. As
people
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 use public
transport
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 there is a gradual decline in private vehicles on
roads
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, leading to a reduction in traffic. Eventually, it
also
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 reduces carbon emissions resulting in minimising the detrimental effects of air pollution.
Additionally
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, public
transportation
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such
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 as trains is not only cheaper but
also
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 convenient. In conclusion,
roads
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 and public
transportation
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both
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 play a significant part in the
overall
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 development of the country by reducing air pollution
,
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apply
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and traffic and being cheaper. In my opinion, the Government should manage the budget and invest in
both
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 as it will help
both
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 the public and the country as a whole.
Submitted by nihalshetty384 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a good general response to the task by discussing both viewpoints and presenting an opinion. However, to improve, try to expand on your ideas with more specific examples and strengthen your arguments. For instance, incorporate statistics, case studies, or personal experiences related to road safety and the benefits of public transport.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, and you have written a clean introduction and conclusion. However, ensure to bridge paragraphs with better transition phrases to enhance coherence. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Moreover' can improve flow between points.
task achievement
There appears to be missing content in the paragraph that discusses public transport. Ensure to fully develop each point and maintain completeness in the argumentation. This will help in maintaining a comprehensive narrative throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which are essential elements of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
The relevance of your arguments to the topic is commendable, especially the discussion about economic growth through transportation of goods and reduction of carbon emissions through public transport.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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