IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically sound. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

#foods #people #food #sound
Nowadays, some
people
 have a preference for foods exported from other countries. Others share the belief that supporting local
food
 can bring environmental benefits and lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expenses.
This
 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 reason why the merits outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, there are many positive aspects of consuming local
food
.
Firstly
, it shortens the distance, leading to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
fuel
Change preposition
in fuel
show examples
 and carbon emissions.
Therefore
, the greenhouse effect will take place less and reduce air pollution.
Secondly
, when
people
 purchase more local
food
 which is economically beneficial to the local market and shop owners and agricultural workers who work harder to make ends meet.
This
 helps the shipping cost lower,
hence
 the prices are cheaper than some imported
food
.
In addition
, residents do not have to pay high
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 for consuming
food
 when they eat locally.
As a result
, it will generate income for local businesses.
For example
,
people
 eat domestic beef
instead
 of imported ones which helps them save time without spending so much time on waiting
as well as
 money.
On the other hand
,
food
 sources are not diverse,
people
 have to eat
food
 seasonally, leading to they will have limited experiences.
Moreover
, some regions are not agriculturally developed,
thus
, they need to rely on imported
food
 because local
food
 is not enough. If dwellers continue eating local meals, they may not be provided enough nutrients.
For example
, in some countries that have poor conditions in agriculture
such
 as staple, they have to import from foreign areas.
This
 would increase the shipping cost and the diversity in
food
 sources might depend on other countries. In conclusion, in my opinion, I consider that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. When
people
 eat
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
food
, they will enhance physical health and have enough energy to continue working.
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language usage
To achieve a higher score, you might want to work on enhancing the precision of your language, particularly in the body paragraphs, to ensure clarity and avoid minor ambiguities or awkward phrasing.
conclusion
Consider expanding the conclusion to more fully summarise the arguments presented in the essay. This will help drive your point home more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transitions between ideas can be made more seamless to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
arguments
You have provided clear and comprehensive ideas that support your main points well; this shows a good level of critical thinking and understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay presents a complete response to the question, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of consuming local food versus imported food, which is good for task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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