IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Tell us about a day where you went out and had fun

#fun
On a tedious Saturday afternoon, I felt the need to go out and do something because it was the day I got bored the most.
Although
 I enjoy staying home and just playing video games or watching a movie I'm never in the mood for that on a Saturday, so going out was the only solution.
Furthermore
, I sent a message on the group chat to see who would be able to go out today, unfortunately, two of my friends were out of town and the others were busy with family engagements and I just had to do something about
this
!
Moreover
, I decided to go out and watch a movie by myself and I did not regret it! I watched Dune on the Imax screen and it was an astonishing experience the cinema was full and there were a lot of speakers the whole room was shaking, I enjoyed it very much and had a blast even though I went alone. I
also
 went for Ice cream after the movie and it was a delicious salted caramel flavour that I had never tried before I even brought more home for my mother and she liked it too and even asked me where I got it from so she could have more of it. It was a tedious Saturday but going out was surely the right call. And I learned that if you are able to have fun alone you're gonna have more fun around other people! As my mother always told me only boring people get bored she always said that to me growing up and I never truly understood what it meant until I had
this
 experience.
Submitted by ah.000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider using a more varied sentence structure to enrich your writing and make it more engaging. This can help in scoring higher in the 'coherence and cohesion' criterion.
grammar
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as missing punctuation after 'movie' in the first paragraph and 'flavor' in the fourth paragraph. Attention to these details can elevate your score.
coherence and cohesion
The essay would benefit from a stronger conclusion that sums up the experience and the emotional impact it had on you. A more reflective conclusion can leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
You provided a clear response to the task and included specific details that made your experience vivid and relatable. This strengthens your 'task achievement' score.
coherence and cohesion
The narrative has a logical flow, moving from the problem of boredom to the solution of going to the cinema, which helps in maintaining coherence.
task achievement
You used personal anecdotes effectively to illustrate your points. This adds a personal touch and makes the essay engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: