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Band 7

tell us about a day where you went out and did something fun

#fun
On a tedious Saturday afternoon, I felt the need to go out and do something because it was the day I got bored the most.
Although
 I enjoy staying home and just playing video games or watching a movie I'm never in the mood for that on a Saturday, so going out was the only solution.
Furthermore
, I sent a message on the group chat to see who would be able to go out today, unfortunately, two of my friends were out of town and the others were busy with family engagements and I just had to do something about
this
!
Moreover
, I decided to go out and watch a movie by myself and I did not regret it! I watched Dune on the Imax screen and it was an astonishing experience I enjoyed it very much and had a blast even though I went alone. I
also
 went for Ice cream after the movie and it was delicious I even brought more home for my mother and she liked it too and even asked me where I got it from so she could
more
Add a missing verb
have more
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 of it. It was a tedious Saturday but going out was surely the right call. And I learned that if you are able to have fun alone you're gonna have more fun around other people! As my mother always told me only boring people get bored she always said that to me growing up and I never truly understood what it meant until I had
this
 experience.
Submitted by ah.000 on

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general
Work on refining your transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay and make your points connect more smoothly.
task achievement
Try to deepen the details in your examples a bit more. For instance, you could describe more about the movie experience or the taste of the ice cream to paint a vivid picture.
language
Review your sentences for minor grammatical errors and consider varying sentence structure for better engagement.
task response
The narrative is engaging and has a personal touch that makes it relatable for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely ties back to the introduction and provides insight into the lesson learned from the experience.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples, such as going to watch a movie and buying ice cream, which effectively illustrate your story.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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