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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some governments say how many children a family can hare in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes a necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

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Measures
such
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 as taxation which prevents couples from having more than one or two children are
also
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 controversial.
While
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 some have claimed that
such
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 policies are required to ensure sustainable development, others have seen it as a violation of individual rights. Those who advocate for
population
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 claim that birth
control
Use synonyms
 is necessary to regulate consumption and improve standards of living.
Population
Use synonyms
 density can negatively affect food, water, and health standards within a country.
For example
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, in 1979 China introduced the one-child policy designed to regulate the
population
Use synonyms
 growth which was thought to negatively affect economic growth and development. Governments can easily arrest
population
Use synonyms
 growth and
hence
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, have better standards of living and reduction of poverty.
In addition
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, the environmental aspect remains an important factor, especially in the current world. Fewer people mean lower greenhouse gas emissions, lower rates of deforestation, and a decreased amount of pollutants in the environment.
Population
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 can
thus
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 be viewed as a way of addressing environmental degradation
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in an era of climate change.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that
population
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 measures infringe on human rights. The right to
control
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 the number and spacing of children is a norm of international human rights law. Restrictions on
this
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 right have implications that include
skewed
Correct article usage
a skewed
show examples
 sex ratio and a growing elderly
population
Use synonyms
 especially as observed in the case of China after
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
child
Correct your spelling
one-child
show examples
 policy was implemented.
Furthermore
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, it is noted that
such
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 policies cumulatively target vulnerable populations. Increased taxation of large families can cause pressure on lower-income clientèle,
thus
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 aggravating social injustice. In conclusion, government intervention in
population
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 may have some merits in terms of resource allocation and environmental conservation but
also
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 poses serious ethical and humanitarian issues. There must be a balance of protecting freedom of choice
while
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 at the same time enhancing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sustainable development.

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introduction conclusion present
Improve the introduction to clearly state your position and outline the main points that will be discussed. A well-structured introduction helps the reader understand the direction of your essay.
logical structure
Ensure all ideas are clearly linked with appropriate transition words or phrases. This will enhance the logical flow of the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on and develop certain points for clearer comprehension. For example, you can give some specific statistics or cases related to the environmental benefits mentioned.
complete response
The essay provides a balanced view on the topic, discussing both pros and cons of government intervention in population control.
relevant specific examples
The main points are well-supported with examples, such as the mention of China's one-child policy and its implications.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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