In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In many countries,
children
are being told that it is important to become a hardworking person
in everyday lives
. Fix the agreement mistake
life
Although
it can make them overthink and no longer enjoying
their Wrong verb form
enjoy
life
as a kid, such
an advice
from the elders can make their Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
life
better in their future years, especially for those who maintain such
a personality once they grow up as a professional.
On the one hand, children
who are being told too much that an achievement is a result of hardwork
can lead to become an overthinking Correct your spelling
hard work
person
. In fact, this
type of person
is likely to put too much efforts
, which might make them physically and mentally ill. To illustrate, a student prepares for their exams until midnight simply because they believe that if they do not study for hours, they will not pass the test. Fix the agreement mistake
effort
This
condition can impact their health condition as well. Furthermore
, such
a phenomenon makes children
not enjoying
their Wrong verb form
enjoy
life
as they should be. For example
, they neglect their friends' invitation to play outside, hence
, resulting in an
anti-social behaviour.
Remove the article
apply
However
, there are several benefits, by
being taught in that way that society preserves, for the Change preposition
to
children
themselves. First and foremost, they are likely to become someone who used to maximize their effort in order to achieve their targeted results. Those with such
personality traits will enjoy the process and always strive to deliver their best performances. For example
, a high school basketball player is determined to do
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
practice regularly to win a championship. Correct article usage
apply
This
type of attitude is a crucial thing to have as a key to success in their future lives. If they are able to maintain their level of determination in their professional life
, such
as keeping up to achieve their company's goals, there is a big chance for a
career stability in the near future.
In conclusion, there are several drawbacks that might happen to a child if they Remove the article
apply
received
too much Wrong verb form
receive
advices
on Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
hardwork
, as they could become an overthinking Correct your spelling
hard work
person
and no longer enjoying
their childhood. Wrong verb form
enjoy
On the other hand
, the benefits could also
make their life
better, especially in their professional lives.Submitted by michellyonggo on
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task achievement
Try to reduce minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity and readability. For example, 'an advice' should be 'advice' as it is an uncountable noun.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to vary your sentences more to make the essay flow better. It can help in maintaining the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit lengthy, making them hard to follow. Consider breaking them into shorter, more digestible sentences for better coherence.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points and makes your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly present and succinct, framing the essay well.
coherence cohesion
Good logical flow between paragraphs, aiding overall readability and coherence.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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