In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many countries,
children
are being told that it is important to become a hardworking
person
in everyday
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.
Although
it can make them overthink and no longer
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
their
life
as a kid,
such
an advice
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
show examples
from the elders can make their
life
better in their future years, especially for those who maintain
such
a personality once they grow up as a professional. On the one hand,
children
who are being told too much that an achievement is a result of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
can lead to become an overthinking
person
. In fact,
this
type of
person
is likely to put too much
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
, which might make them physically and mentally ill. To illustrate, a student prepares for their exams until midnight simply because they believe that if they do not study for hours, they will not pass the test.
This
condition can impact their health condition as well.
Furthermore
,
such
a phenomenon makes
children
not
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
their
life
as they should be.
For example
, they neglect their friends' invitation to play outside,
hence
, resulting in
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
anti-social behaviour.
However
, there are several benefits,
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
being taught in that way that society preserves, for the
children
themselves. First and foremost, they are likely to become someone who used to maximize their effort in order to achieve their targeted results. Those with
such
personality traits will enjoy the process and always strive to deliver their best performances.
For example
, a high school basketball player is determined to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practice regularly to win a championship.
This
type of attitude is a crucial thing to have as a key to success in their future lives. If they are able to maintain their level of determination in their professional
life
,
such
as keeping up to achieve their company's goals, there is a big chance for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
career stability in the near future. In conclusion, there are several drawbacks that might happen to a child if they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
too much
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
on
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
, as they could become an overthinking
person
and no longer
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
their childhood.
On the other hand
, the benefits could
also
make their
life
better, especially in their professional lives.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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task achievement
Try to reduce minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity and readability. For example, 'an advice' should be 'advice' as it is an uncountable noun.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to vary your sentences more to make the essay flow better. It can help in maintaining the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit lengthy, making them hard to follow. Consider breaking them into shorter, more digestible sentences for better coherence.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points and makes your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clearly present and succinct, framing the essay well.
coherence cohesion
Good logical flow between paragraphs, aiding overall readability and coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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