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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#rentals #sales #formats #films #store #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the annual
sales
Use synonyms
 of movies in various formats, including rentals, VHS, DVD and
Use synonyms
blu-ray
Change the capitalization
Blu-ray
show examples
, in a specific shop from 2002 to 2011. 
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that rentals and DVD
sales
Use synonyms
 had
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 volume of
sales
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 VHS
sales
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
blu-ray
Change the capitalization
Blu-ray
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not show a significant number of
sales
Use synonyms
. There was a downward trend of rentals over
time
Add an article
the time
a time
show examples
 period,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at 185,000
units
Use synonyms
 by 2002 and consistently
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 around 58,000
units
Use synonyms
 by 2011. Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
blu-ray
Correct article usage
the blu-ray
show examples
 format started at just under 50,000
units
Use synonyms
 by 2002 and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 215,000
units
Use synonyms
 by 2007 before
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 to 180,000 by 2011. VHS format showed a minimal number of
sales
Use synonyms
 at around 85,000
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
show examples
 by 2002 and continually fell to 0 by 2006 and the following years. After 2007,
blu-ray
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
began to
Use synonyms
sales had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a slight increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 at around 2,000
units
Use synonyms
 and increased minimally to just over 10,000
units
Use synonyms
 by 2011.
Submitted by pasineekhanpakdee on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, blu-ray, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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