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Band 7.5

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative or practical subjects for which they may have more aptitude. To what extent to do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #lack #talent #art #classes #school #subjects #aptitude
Nowadays, we can witness that a lot of creative professions are gaining more and more popularity among young adults,
for example
, YouTubers, musicians, writers, and designers, and in most cases, they are quite successful and earn a significant amount of money.
However
, not everyone can be an artist, and I firmly believe that
this
 parental
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 will not bring any good results and will only have negative consequences. For starters, not every adolescent has an inclination towards the arts; some may prefer athletics or STEM subjects. As an example, my best friend always wanted to become a scientist or engineer.
Nonetheless
, his stepmother sent him to a very prestigious music school to become a famous pianist, as she was very inspired by the example of Sergei Rachmaninov, a famous Russian composer. My friend absolutely despised these classes, and to
this
 day, he doesn't like to listen to any music at all. In the end, to his
parents
' disappointment, he did become a very well-paid engineer, but he always blamed his family for interfering in his path towards his dream, and they never reconciled since.
Overall
, It is crucial for
parents
 to recognize their children's abilities and wishes, grant them
accordingly
, and not try to "unlock" their creative potential against their will. No mother or father should force their kid to pursue a class they don't want to attend;
this
 will only build resentment towards not only the subject itself but the
parents
 as well. In conclusion, I am absolutely convinced that children should concentrate on the subjects they want to study and follow their own path. Good
parents
 will help them
accordingly
 and not confine their wishes. Creative classes should be mandatory, not obligatory.
Submitted by smackerprince on

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coherence cohesion
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Your introduction sets a clear stance on the issue and provides context effectively.
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You have effectively used a relevant and personal example that supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, making your essay easy to read.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly reinforces your main points and opinion.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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