IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals argue that
art
Use synonyms
 should be considered a crucial subject in the school curriculum, as it plays a significant role in fostering
creativity
Use synonyms
 and critical thinking
skills
Use synonyms
 among children. They believe that exposure to
art
Use synonyms
 from a young age can help
students
Use synonyms
 develop a deeper appreciation for aesthetics and enhance their ability to think outside the box.
For instance
Linking Words
, renowned artist Leonardo Da Vinci, known for his iconic works
such
Linking Words
 as the Mona Lisa and The
Last
Linking Words
 Supper, was not only a painter but
also
Linking Words
 a scientist and inventor. His multidisciplinary approach to
art
Use synonyms
 exemplifies how
creativity
Use synonyms
 can transcend traditional boundaries and inspire innovation in various fields.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are those who view
art
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 as a frivolous pursuit that detracts from more "practical" subjects like math and science. They argue that time spent on
art
Use synonyms
 classes could be better utilized for academic subjects that are deemed more essential for future success in the workforce.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to note that
art
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is not solely about creating beautiful paintings or sculptures; it
also
Linking Words
 teaches
students
Use synonyms
 valuable
skills
Use synonyms
 like problem-solving, communication, and collaboration. These
skills
Use synonyms
 are increasingly valued in today's rapidly changing job market, where
creativity
Use synonyms
 and adaptability are highly sought after. In my opinion,
art
Use synonyms
 should be considered an essential subject in schools
due to
Linking Words
 its numerous benefits for children's holistic development. By engaging in artistic activities,
students
Use synonyms
 can learn to express themselves in unique ways and explore their
creativity
Use synonyms
 without limitations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, exposure to
art
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 develop empathy and cultural awareness by exposing them to different perspectives and traditions.
For example
Linking Words
, studying the works of diverse artists like Leonardo Da Vinci can broaden
students
Use synonyms
' understanding of history, culture, and human expression. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some may argue that
art
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is a waste of time, I firmly believe that it is a vital component of a well-rounded
education
Use synonyms
.
Art
Use synonyms
 not only nurtures
creativity
Use synonyms
 and critical thinking
skills
Use synonyms
 but
Linking Words
likewise
Rephrase
also
show examples
 fosters personal growth and cultural appreciation. By incorporating
art
Use synonyms
 into the school curriculum, we can empower
students
Use synonyms
 to become more well-rounded individuals who are equipped to navigate the complexities of the modern world. Just as Leonardo Da Vinci's legacy continues to inspire generations with his innovative approach to
art
Use synonyms
 and science, so too can
art
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 inspire future generations to think creatively and embrace diversity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using more advanced vocabulary to elevate the linguistic quality of the essay further.
Task Achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant and well-integrated into your argument. Your example of Leonardo Da Vinci was well-used, but try to provide more contemporary examples alongside historic ones.
Task Achievement
When presenting opposing views, make sure to emphasize their significance before countering with your opinion to ensure you thoroughly address both perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly the use of Leonardo Da Vinci to illustrate your points.
Task Achievement
You provided comprehensive ideas and tackled the essay prompt effectively, giving a balanced discussion of both views.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: