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Band 5.5

Nowadays, the development of educational system and its equipment is a heated topic since contemporary technology is on the rise in our day to day life.

#development #system #equipment #topic #technology #rise #life
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Nowadays, the development of
educational
Add an article
the educational
an educational
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 system and its equipment is a heated topic since contemporary technology is on the rise in our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Society began to realize that the educational system will be replaced by modern ones
such
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 as computers, HD whiteboards,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc. By the year 2050, many systems are going to change in
a
Correct article usage
the
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classroom
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. On the one hand, it is beneficial to enhance the capabilities of learning by equipping the
classroom
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 with the
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last
Correct word choice
latest
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 versions of technological devices. By that, the effort of
students
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 studying doubles and
students
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 will have
a
Correct article usage
the
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 pleasure
to learn
Change preposition
of learning
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 new information with the innovative systems.
For instance
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, in Japan, technological equipment in the primary
as well as
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 in high schools modernized with computers and other
stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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.
Hence
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, the student studying rate gradually increased since the appearance of modern devices.
On the other hand
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, modern
technologies
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 have a myriad of different features, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 challenging to use
at
Change preposition
apply
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firsthand until
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one gets used to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Additionally
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, teachers who are used to old studying techniques and methods can struggle when it comes to new difficulties with modern devices.
For example
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, today, paper-based exams are converting into computer-based ones. Meanwhile, those
students
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 who have problems with adopting new
technologies
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 experience bad marks. In conclusion, taking everything into account, I can conclude that it shows plenty of benefits if the
classroom
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 is equipped with
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technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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.
Initially
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, it can create challenges among
students
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,
however
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, it is absolutely worth it. The world needs to be equipped with the latest innovations like computers and
consequently
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 on. In short,
technologies
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 are a top priority in the
classroom
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 and
overall
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 learning system
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Grammar
Ensure accuracy in the use of articles and prepositions. For example, 'educational system' should be 'the educational system.'
Content
Expand on how technological challenges can be mitigated. You mentioned 'students who have problems with adopting new technologies experience bad marks,' but did not suggest solutions.
Vocabulary
Try to enrich your vocabulary by using more varied expressions and synonyms. Words like 'stuff' are too informal; prefer terms like 'equipment' or 'devices.'
Structure
Good overall structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Content
Relevant examples, like the mention of Japan's educational system, add depth to your arguments.
Content
You successfully present both sides of the argument, balancing the benefits and challenges of modern technology in education.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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