IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks
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There is a notion that states large public
areas
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such
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 as
squares
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 and parks should be erected in all
areas
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 of a country.
This
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 is an opinion I strongly agree with as I think it would encourage unity among people and it will aid the improvement of surrounding
areas
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. The main consideration for my alignment is that it unifies the society.
This
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 is
due to
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 two reasons, one of which is that residents of certain
towns
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 would not have to travel to other cities to use these services as they have their own,
hence
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 making it possible for them to invite their
neighbors
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neighbours
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.
Furthermore
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, if all the villages have their outdoor
squares
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, individuals living there can easily conduct meetings or festivals which will foster unity.
For example
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, in Nigeria, the state built a large garden near the market
squares
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 present in the different
towns
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 of Ekiti state,
this
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 has reduced intercity migration during festive periods and has increased the creation of healthy nongovernmental associations. Another justification for my agreement is that it results in the betterment of all
areas
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 within a country.
This
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 is because there would be more job opportunities as the construction of big facilities
such
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 as
squares
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 and parks will require a large amount of manpower that will serve as a means of job creation in rural places.
In addition
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, the construction of public infrastructures will develop other services.
This
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 includes the construction of better roads that connect
such
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 facilities to the people or a health
center
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centre
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 to attend to medical emergencies. To illustrate, in South Korea, projects
such
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 as football fields or parks have served as platforms for increasing the employment ratio and improving small
towns
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. In conclusion, the opinion of building large outdoor places is one I totally agree with as I feel it fosters unity in a nation and serves as a stepping stone in the development of rural places. In my opinion, the state should allocate more funds to ensure that all cities and
towns
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 have their outdoor structures.
Submitted by favourade234 on

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coherence
The essay is well-structured and logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, consider linking sentences within the paragraphs more explicitly to further enhance coherence.
task achievement
While the task response is fully addressed, try to incorporate more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to your ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant and specific examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a strong start and a conclusive end to your argument.
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