IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The plans below show a public Park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
In 1920, there were two entrances near both Arnold Avenue and Eldon Street, it is the same today
along with
 an additional
entrance
 from the underground car
park
. When walking into the
park
 from the Eldon Street
entrance
 in 1920, people would see a fountain in the middle of the
park
, but now, the fountain has been replaced by a
rose
garden
 surrounded by seats on four sides which were once placed around the
park
.
In addition
, on the right side, the glasshouse alongside the wall in 1920 had
also
 been removed, and a water feature took up its place. And on the left side, the
rose
garden
 is completely gone.
Moreover
, to the left of the fountain, there used to be a stage for musicians, but now an amphitheatre replaced it for concerts, taking up more space than the old structure.
Furthermore
, on the left of the Arnold Avenue
entrance
 in 1920, a
rose
garden
 and a pond for water plants were situated. Today, a café and a children’s playground take up their place respectively.
However
, unlike other places, the
rose
garden
 on the right of the
entrance
 still remains the same.
Submitted by 18310971390 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a well-rounded summary of the main changes and comparisons. This helps to frame your report and make your points clearer.
task achievement
Continue to use relevant specific examples, as this strengthens your task achievement score. Be sure to ensure that these examples are clearly tied to your main points.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are expressed comprehensively by adding a bit more detail where possible. For example, specifying why certain changes might have been made could enrich your response.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by adding linking words or phrases to show the relationship between different points. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have done a great job summarizing the key changes and making comparisons between the park in 1920 and today.
task achievement
Your use of specific details from the plans helps to make your essay informative and clear.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with main points that are logically supported by specific examples from the diagrams.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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