IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having lot of toys.

#parents #kids #toys #child
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some parents purchase many
toys
 for their children to play with.
This
 essay thinks that the drawbacks of buying a large number of
toys
 do not outweigh the advantages because the problem
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 in the
toys
 itself, but with how parents treat their kids. The main disadvantage of buying
toys
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 comes when the number of them is too much, and that downside is that the child may become spoiled.
Child
Add an article
The child
A child
show examples
 may not understand the amount of money lost for
toys
. But if you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
treat children with responsibility, it will affect
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 on their development. Different
toys
 can help develop various skills,
such
 as fine motor skills, problem-solving abilities, and social interaction. In conclusion, balancing the number of
toys
 and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 upbringing can help maximize the benefits
while
 minimizing the drawbacks.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Expand on your points with more specific examples to strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture.
complete response
Ensure consistency in addressing both the benefits and drawbacks thoroughly for a balanced viewpoint.
logical structure
Work on your transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the overall flow and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have outlined the disadvantages and advantages, showing a good attempt at balance in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: