Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extend do you think it effects the while family?
It is true ,Nowadays many children are raised by their
grandparents
because their mother and father both are busy with their work. Definitely, this
trend affects the entire family in many ways. In this
essay further
I will explain how it is affecting with some examples from surveys and journals.
To Begin
with , In this
modern society, both parents
are working to earn more money so that they can give a happy life to their family. Everyone needs money for numerous reasons such
as buying a house and car ,child
education and maintaining their status in society . As I mentioned earlier , for
this
reason , kids are taken care of by their grandparents
. For example
,In Japan, 80% of child
are raised by their grandparents
and they all lead a happy life because they have enough money to spend on their wishes.
Secondly
, Actually, a toddler needs parents
at a growing age because a mother can take care of her child
nobody can do that .Sometimes grandparents
can not give proper attention to their grandchild as they require because of their old age and health. For Instance
, the Busy schedule of parents
can spoil the relationship between the child
and parents
as well because of less interaction due to
work .
To Conclude
, there is no doubt grandparents
always teach us good values and morals but sometimes due to
their health and age a child
can not get proper care and as a result
, a child
can be weak whether physically or mentally. Child
health can affect the entire family . Here I think parents
should balance their work and personal lives.Submitted by preetiaug25 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps the reader understand the direction of your argument from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly. For example, you wrote about financial reasons why parents work, but you could include more information on how this impacts their children.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words effectively to make your essay more cohesive. For instance, phrases like 'In addition to', 'Moreover', and 'On the other hand' can help connect ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure that every paragraph introduces a new point or reinforces a previous point in a different way.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your discussion well.
relevant specific examples
You have included relevant examples to support your main points, which adds depth to your discussion.
complete response
Your essay addresses the prompt adequately by discussing how grandparents raising children can affect the entire family.
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