Write about the following topic: Some people feel that paparazzi should not follow celebrities and invade their privacy by taking pictures of them everywhere, while others believe this is just the price of fame. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Firstly
i
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I
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would like to discuss both sides and try to be fair with each
side
so I will begin
taking
Correct your spelling
talking
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about
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with
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the first
side
which
they
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apply
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claim that
paparazzi
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the paparazzi
show examples
should not follow celebrities and invade their privacy and I would totally agree because when you put yourself in their shoes and take the time to really think about it you will realize that it is actually very annoying and
uncomfrtable
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uncomfortable
it would be to have pictures of you
when ever
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whenever
show examples
or where ever you go.
Although
the other
side
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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thinks that
believe
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
is just the price of fame
i
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I
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would
also
totally agree. For the simple fact that
this
is the price of fame, sadly fame isn't only about being loved and rich or so on it
also
has a very dark
side
to it that not many celebrities talk about
such
as paparazzi
invadeing
Correct your spelling
invading
their privacy and taking photos of the all the time.
Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion and make it more structured.
task achievement
Adding specific examples or evidence to support each viewpoint would strengthen the arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Improving the logical structure with well-defined paragraphs for each main idea would enhance coherence and ease of understanding.
language
Taking care of minor language issues and maintaining sentence variety can make the essay more readable and engaging.
task achievement
The writer has addressed both viewpoints, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a clear attempt at providing a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • privacy invasion
  • public figure
  • mental health impact
  • media scrutiny
  • right to privacy
  • public interest
  • celebrity culture
  • press freedom
  • stress-related illnesses
  • publicity tool
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