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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym memberships between 1980 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about male and female gym memberships between 1980 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #gym #memberships #features #comparisons
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The graph compares the number of members attending a
gym
Use synonyms
 based on gender from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
men
Correct your spelling
the male
show examples
 population was high.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
diminished over time and the females were high in number by the end of the period. In the year 1990, the gents attending the
gym
Use synonyms
 were about 2000 in number. They were increased in the next five years after which their count was diminished and remained in a plateau till the end of the second decade. There was a rise in the
male
Correct quantifier usage
number of male
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
 attenders for the next five years.
In contrast
Linking Words
, they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased rapidly after 2005 and
finally
Linking Words
, only about 800 gents were participating in the
gym
Use synonyms
 sessions in the year 2010. With regards to the opposite gender,
initially
Linking Words
, they constitute
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
half of the male ones.
However
Linking Words
, in spite of various fluctuations their
populaton
Correct your spelling
population
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
througout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the duration. By the end of the span, they were almost augmented by more than two times that of
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 gender and were identical to the male
gym
Use synonyms
 members in the year 1990.
Submitted by sivaleelamahendra1214 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words gym with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrollment
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • steady increase
  • pronounced difference
  • converge
  • diverge
  • membership rate
  • significant growth
  • slump
  • dominant trend
  • predominantly
  • consistent pattern
  • noteworthy
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