IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Big salary is much more important than jobs satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that big salaries play a more important role compared to
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 to determine a
job
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, big salaries and
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 both play a part in choosing a
job
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, big salaries can satisfy financial requirements.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, with the increasing risk of unemployment and rising prices
due to
Linking Words
 inflation,
people
Use synonyms
 are facing more pressure from rent mortgage payments and medical expenses.
For example
Linking Words
, In China, young
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 just to earn money without considering whether the
job
Use synonyms
 is satisfying or not. When survival has become an issue, a well-paid occupation is the only option. Meanwhile,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays compared to the
last
Linking Words
 decade are becoming more and more materialistic since we are living in a society full of insecurity.
As a result
Linking Words
, for practical economic reasons, a high-paying career is preferred over a satisfying
job
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is worth more than a high-salary
job
Use synonyms
 because satisfying
work
Use synonyms
 improves mental health and reduces anxiety and stress. To put it simply,
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
favoring
Change the spelling
favouring
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 can enhance employees’ sense of self-identity and accomplishment.
For instance
Linking Words
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, some doctors have chosen to support the hardest-hit areas.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 project is unpaid, doctors may feel that the
work
Use synonyms
 is more meaningful because they are able to directly help those who need medical help the most.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 a decent
job
Use synonyms
 far exceeds the
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 brought by simply pursuing a high-salary occupation.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both a high-income
job
Use synonyms
 and a gratifying
job
Use synonyms
 are important considerations when choosing a
job
Use synonyms
 because a well-earning career can solve economic needs,
while
Linking Words
 a satisfying
job
Use synonyms
 can increase the happiness of life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
In your essay, you adequately covered the topic, presenting a balanced view on the importance of salary versus job satisfaction. However, you could enhance your essay by expanding on your ideas and providing more diverse examples that resonate with a broader audience.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This could make your argumentation more dynamic and engaging.
Task Achievement
Consider deepening the analysis of each point you make. This could involve discussing potential drawbacks or strengths of each stance more thoroughly , contributing to a more complex and nuanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well to maintain a clear stance throughout the essay, contributing to a coherent argument that is easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your discussion, bookending your essay in a way that solidifies your argument.
Task Achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more tangible for the reader.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: