IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Big salary is much more important than jobs satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #jobs #satisfaction
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Some
people
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 claim that big salaries play a more important role compared to
job
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satisfaction
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 to determine a
job
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. In my opinion, big salaries and
job
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satisfaction
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 both play a part in choosing a
job
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. On the one hand, big salaries can satisfy financial requirements.
That is
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 to say, with the increasing risk of unemployment and rising prices
due to
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 inflation,
people
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 are facing more pressure from rent mortgage payments and medical expenses.
For example
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, In China, young
people
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work
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 just to earn money without considering whether the
job
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 is satisfying or not. When survival has become an issue, a well-paid occupation is the only option. Meanwhile,
people
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 nowadays compared to the
last
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 decade are becoming more and more materialistic since we are living in a society full of insecurity.
As a result
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, for practical economic reasons, a high-paying career is preferred over a satisfying
job
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.
On the other hand
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,
job
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satisfaction
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 is worth more than a high-salary
job
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 because satisfying
work
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 improves mental health and reduces anxiety and stress. To put it simply,
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
favoring
Change the spelling
favouring
show examples
work
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 can enhance employees’ sense of self-identity and accomplishment.
For instance
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, some doctors have chosen to support the hardest-hit areas.
Although
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this
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 project is unpaid, doctors may feel that the
work
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 is more meaningful because they are able to directly help those who need medical help the most.
Therefore
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,
such
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 a decent
job
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 far exceeds the
satisfaction
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 brought by simply pursuing a high-salary occupation.
To sum up
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, both a high-income
job
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 and a gratifying
job
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 are important considerations when choosing a
job
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 because a well-earning career can solve economic needs,
while
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 a satisfying
job
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 can increase the happiness of life.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
In your essay, you adequately covered the topic, presenting a balanced view on the importance of salary versus job satisfaction. However, you could enhance your essay by expanding on your ideas and providing more diverse examples that resonate with a broader audience.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This could make your argumentation more dynamic and engaging.
Task Achievement
Consider deepening the analysis of each point you make. This could involve discussing potential drawbacks or strengths of each stance more thoroughly , contributing to a more complex and nuanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well to maintain a clear stance throughout the essay, contributing to a coherent argument that is easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your discussion, bookending your essay in a way that solidifies your argument.
Task Achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more tangible for the reader.
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