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Writing Samples
Band 5

The given diagram shows the manufacturing process of making sugar from sugar cane.

The given diagram shows the manufacturing process of making sugar from sugar cane.
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The diagram demonstrates the various stages involved in the process of producing carbohydrates from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process consists of seven stages, beginning with growing the
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 and ending up with drying and cooling the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals. In the first moment, the
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 are grown in a field for 12-18 months. After that ,the
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 are harvested in two modes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, farmers harvest them manually .
Secondly
Linking Words
, some people used harvesting machines to harvest the ripened
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.In the next phase,a different device is used to crush the
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 and
squeezes
Correct subject-verb agreement
squeeze
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 out their sweet juice . In the fourth step, the juice is passed through a limestone filter for the purpose of purification.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a large pot called the evaporator is used to heat up the juice until it becomes a syrup.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the sixth stage,syrup containing
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals is passed through a centrifugal machine which separates the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from the syrup.
Finally
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 is dried and cooled in a drum for market use . We can understand that the extraction of
sugar
Use synonyms
 from natural resources is a meticulous process with several steps involved.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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