Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. discus both these views, and give your opinion.
Many people believe that physical
education
classes
are beneficial for student's education
, while
others think that it is more crucial to concentrate on academic classes
during school
time. In this
essay, I will discuss my point of view followed by reasons and examples.
To begin
with, nowadays the world become more advanced than in the past, so with this
improvement, teaching ways must become more advanced.
In my opinion, education
should be scrambling, it must be a mix of academic learning and physical activities
classes
. Consequently
, children will not become bored and that may motivate them to go to school
.
These days, most children are more attached to video games, so the presence of physical activities
may help in reduceing
Correct your spelling
reducing
this
attachment. For instance
, my daughter when she was six years old, she
didn't like her Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
because they were using old methods for learning, so my daughter hated her school
, for that reason, I moved her to another school
. Physical activities
are more important as long as academic learning. Some researchers found a correlation between the cognitive development of young children's brains and sharing activities
with others. Although
, it encourages their social intelligence.
On the other hand
, there is a new system
that emerged in previous years, the main idea of this
system
was doing activities
inside the classroom.
Basically, the idea of this
system
is to join the academic subjects with activities
. Such
as chemistry and mathematics. It's more helpful and contributes to the development of the education
system
that goes with the requirements of this
era.
To sum up
, some opinions go with the importance of the presence of physical classes
in schools while
others believe that it is more important to focus on academic subjects. Our life has become more advanced than before, therefore
learning methods must coincide with this
advancement, to encourage students to study , learn and go to their schools.Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of presenting both views on the topic. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and detail. Be sure to clearly outline your main points and support them with specific examples. Your daughter's story is a good start but could be more detailed. Adding more researched examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally follows a logical structure, some sentences are not smoothly connected, which affects the flow. Work on enhancing your transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence. Using more linking words and phrases could help in making the essay more cohesive.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which effectively summarize your arguments. This is crucial for a coherent and cohesive essay.
task achievement
You've made a good attempt at discussing both views, which shows a balanced approach to the topic. This is a key aspect in task response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.