IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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 consider that humans should be the main topic of scientific research.
While
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 there are some right sides, I do not entirely agree
on
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with
show examples
this
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 opinion.
This
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 essay will discuss why I disagree by giving examples and explaining.
To begin
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 with, scientific developments are vital not only for humans but
also
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 for the environment. The environment and
people
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 are completely related to each other. Take climate change as an example, when
people
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 overuse technological devices or individual vehicles, it can damage the Earth and climate. Having opportunities for these technologies is significant but if
people
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 exploit science only for
people
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`s comfort it can cause terrible results.
To sum up
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,
people
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 have to have a balance between
people
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`s benefit and realism. Another reason why I disagree,
people
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 share the earth with other kinds of lives,
such
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 as animals, and plants. To protect ethical issues, researchers should give the same importance to other forms.
For instance
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, the medicine sector must improve some drugs and treatments for animals
as well as
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 for
people
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. A world in which only
people
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 do not provide healthy areas to them. As like first argument, the most important issue is balance.
On the other hand
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, others strongly believe that humans should be the main character in scientific topics.
While
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 there are some understandable sides, like for development we need to improve
people
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`s lives, it looks more selfish than logical. In conclusion,
although
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 it is a common belief that the importance of
people
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 in scientific research from my view to provide a balance between the environment, other forms of lives can be more profitable not only for
people
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 but
also
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 for all earth.

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task achievement
Ensure that you present a clear thesis statement in the introduction. Your current thesis statement is somewhat vague. Specify clearly to what extent you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific environmental or medical advancements could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs. Use linking phrases and words to create smoother transitions and ensure each paragraph clearly follows the previous one.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The writer addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to discuss multiple aspects of the topic, such as the environment, animals, and plants.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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