Today more people are travelling than ever before Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller
Recently,
man
and women Fix the agreement mistake
men
are
both Verb problem
have
work
. The law mentioned that daily hours of Wrong verb form
worked
work
are 8 hours in private
and public Add an article
the private
sector
. But more Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
people
are travelling than ever before. Some people
work
2 jobs
in
the same day. Some research Change preposition
on
are
interesting about the reasons Change the verb form
is
of
Change preposition
for
this
case. It exists a various causes.
Firstly
, the cost of daily life increased. The price of products or services
is more and more higher
because fabrication costs are increased. Change the word
higher and higher
higher
Then
, people
needs
Change the verb form
need
much
money Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
theses
products or Correct your spelling
these
services
. Consequently
, people
work
much
hours because they Change the quantifier
many
needs
Change the verb form
need
much
money. Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
Such
, the price of medicaments is higher today. And some medical services
are not free. People
with low revenue have
not the possibility to buy these Add a missing verb
do have
services
.
Secondly
, the current economic crisis orient
Change the verb form
orients
private
and public Correct article usage
the private
sector
to decrease the salaries of employees. With Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
this
condition, people
have one solution that work
2 Change the verb form
works
jobs
in
the same time. Some Change preposition
at
people
in private
Correct article usage
the private
sector
work
at restarents
and coffee shop after Correct your spelling
restaurants
finished
their principal job in a private Wrong verb form
finishing
campany
.
Correct your spelling
company
However
, some jobs
make people
have much
money without travelling than ever before. The popular job is Correct quantifier usage
more
traveller
. Add an article
the traveller
a traveller
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
exists
some benefits of working for the traveller. The first advantage is the possibility to know various Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
countires
and cultures. The second is the importance of leisure activities in the world. The famous Correct your spelling
countries
activities
is Fix the agreement mistake
activity
the
tourism around the world. Correct article usage
apply
Finally
, the number of travelling
agencies is more important than before. It is an important Change the form of the verb
travel
sector
recently.
In sum, have
a job is an important element Wrong verb form
having
for
daily life. Change preposition
of
Work
one or two Wrong verb form
Working
jobs
depend
on the financial situation of Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
man
or Correct article usage
the man
women
.Fix the agreement mistake
woman
Submitted by rabebhamdi on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the topic. While you discussed why people work multiple jobs, the focal point should be on why more people are traveling. Focus on the main question to stay on topic.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly. For example, elaborate on why the economic crisis has led to increased travel for work and provide specific examples. This will give your essay more depth and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly present the topic, while your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and offer a final thought or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear, logical paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a single main idea and supporting sentences. This will improve readability and logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and transition words to connect your ideas smoothly. This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the task by considering reasons for increased work hours and providing some benefits of traveling.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced several ideas and supporting points related to the topic. This shows a good effort to cover different aspects of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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