IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

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In the contemporary era, with the advancement and the sophistication of the developmental process,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are busier than ever.
This
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 has sparked a pressing issue
in
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at
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 the familial level, as the
members
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 are apart from each other
due to
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 their hectic
lifestyle
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lifestyles
show examples
.
This
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 essay will expound
the
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on the
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 compelling reasons behind
this
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 and viable solutions
on
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to
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 it will be suggested with
the
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apply
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relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples. Money has gained
a
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apply
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paramount importance recently and each individual has to chase
behind
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apply
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it to seize the targets of
the
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apply
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life. So, it is widely speculated that earning money is a key responsibility of the elders of a house and for that engaging in a job is
a
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apply
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compulsory. Particularly, doing extra duties,
working
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and working
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 on holidays are
also
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 within the dedications of the incomer.
This
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 eventually
mitigate
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mitigates
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 the opportunities gained by them to be with their significant others.
Although
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 we
spend
Verb problem
have
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 a very tight
time
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 schedule, it is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 factor to delegate sometime to be with the family.
For example
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, a father who works for six days per week
,
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apply
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may receive a single leave on
sunday
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Sunday
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.
Therefore
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, they should consider
on
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apply
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family gatherings on that day by having a tea
time
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 or a meal together or by having a day out.
On the other hand
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, it is conspicuous that there are myriad
of
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apply
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other factors that act as
deterrent
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deterrents
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causing
the
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apply
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interpersonal distancing. Usually, the
wide-spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
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 of
time
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 costing activities like over usage of social
medias
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media
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, smartphones and video game gaming habits are known to be a gap which
separate
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separates
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 the interactions
within
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among
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 family
members
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.
Eventhough
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Even though
 those technologies are inevitable within a society, individuals should possess a proper understanding
about
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of
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 the significance of the family, rather than those devices. Eventually, the offsprings should be inculcated
the
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in the
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 value of the bonds.
For instance
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,
a
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apply
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research done
in
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at
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 UK University reveals that recently the usage of social media
was
Verb problem
has
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 increased by 60% within the
last
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 decade and the majority of that was done during the home stay.
To conclude
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, on the basis of the
about
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discussion I am asserting that the
time
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 dedicated by the family
members
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on
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to
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 their jobs
as well as
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 some activities has caused the separation of family
members
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, and the mitigation of that issue can be
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
 by planning the daily routines and
also
Linking Words
 educating the people, about the importance of a family.

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task response
Consider improving the clarity of your main points. Sometimes, your sentences are complex and could be simplified for better understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and improve your use of articles and prepositions, as these can affect the readability of your essay.
task response
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and your main points are well supported.
coherence and cohesion
You have used relevant examples to illustrate your points, which enhances your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • predominant
  • commitments
  • imbalance
  • digital technology
  • social media
  • globalization
  • weakened
  • disconnected
  • strain
  • stress
  • mental health issues
  • developmental issues
  • behavioral problems
  • parental guidance
What to do next:
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